This is for people who are fond of saying “you don see person wey coro catch? Na government dey use am chop money….. I won’t say you are ignorant because I know you are not. However you are just deliberately socially irresponsible […]
This is for people who are fond of saying “you don see person wey coro catch? Na government dey use am chop money…..
I won’t say you are ignorant because I know you are not. However you are just deliberately socially irresponsible to yourself and people around you. I never doubted its existence for once even though I didn’t know anyone who had it but following the figures on air alone was traumatic for me. Some went a step further and called it a rich man’s disease. It is really pathetic to think this way.
. I was hoping it would go away so that I could have my life back when maternal uncle called me that our other big uncle, his elder brother was at the isolation centre in Yaba. This uncle lived with us when I was in primary school. Mum brought him from the village and got a job for him at an insurance company close to her own office in dugbe. So uncle lived with us while saving to get an apartment. I don’t remember how long he stayed but he soon got a place and invited his family over. He had three sons then. Now they are four with a girl.
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Uncle was a correct village boy who loved to eat eba in a funny way. He would cut it very big, mould it with his hand and swallow it with a noise in his throat. We always stole glances at him every evening since he only ate dinner with us during the week. He was our favorite uncle.
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How did it happen? Uncle still works at this insurance company till date but he got transferred to Lagos. Infact, while I was in Lagos, he was in Lagos too, living at Berger, close to this Mr Biggs I once went with Jonathan Eze when I was working under him. So uncle’s boss fell ill and he began to move his boss from one hospital to the other. He was rejected at a hospital in ikoyi and referred to isolation centre.
. In Yaba, uncle’s boss tested positive for Covid 19 and died two days after. Uncle, alongside boss’ wife and kids were all taken into the isolation centre. He was released after spending two weeks there and testing negative. So many people I know have had Covid at home and survived it after two to three weeks. Two weeks ago, three people I know, fell sick, had fever, cold, lost their sense of smell but later recovered. So many people have had it around us. They treated it as malaria and got better using herbs. Covid is real. It is not a joke. Wear a mask and use your sanitizer. Be responsible!!!!
Whenever we get to that point in church on Sunday when they say “let’s pray for Nigeria”, instantly all my antenna goes into weak mode. I suddenly begin to have zero attention. Sometimes I even sit down. I just can’t pretend. I […]
Whenever we get to that point in church on Sunday when they say “let’s pray for Nigeria”, instantly all my antenna goes into weak mode. I suddenly begin to have zero attention. Sometimes I even sit down. I just can’t pretend. I mean we pray for Nigeria in every service yet, the news headline the next minute starts screaming “CJN removed, Oby Ezekwesili chickens out of presidential race or boko Haram unleashes mayhem”. Of course, you are to continue to pray till you get result but I can’t say I have faith to hold on any longer.
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I’ve been meaning to say this since. Let it be known that I said it here today. I hate Whatsapp. It’s so intrusive. I even dislike it more when old people refer to it as “wazzap” or “whatzup”.;it’s so annoyingly frustrating.
Everyone crawls into your space with “forwarded messages” especially old people. And let’s not forget those that would only remember to say ‘hi’ immediately you change your display picture. I am actually a poor chat-app user. Responding to messages is even hard work.
Who knows a more private chatting app I can install?
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Today, I saw that Domino’s did a buy one get one free ice cream cake sale nationwide between yesterday and today and I was heartbroken. I missed a good opportunity. Now, valentine people will not allow us to have this kind of opportunity next month.
Got this from ShopRite a while back though. And no, it wasn’t even my birthday
Speaking of Val, initially, I left that day open in the Court’s diary. I wouldn’t know why actually. But one day, Milord asked me for a date in February and I said I didn’t have any date left. He asked me to bring the diary. Lo and behold, he turned the pages and stopped at Feb 14th.
“What about this date?”
“I left it for Milord the president”, I said
“No, let’s give the learned senior.”
It was a learned senior who wanted to get an adjournment. A SAN actually.
So, imagine my amusement when Milord after saying “this case is now adjourned till 14th day of February, 2019, learned SAN said “but Milord, that day is Valentine’s day”.
Infact, I could not stifle my laughter. The whole court room erupted in laughter.
He continued
“If my Lord can graciously give me another date…”
“That’s the only date we have in February”, Milord responded
“Ok, I will take it…”, he accepted grudgingly. Each time I remember,I still laugh.
What does learned senior want to do on Val’s day that would make him reject the date given to him by the court?
The most difficult age for any man born in Nigeria should be between 24 and 29 years, the pressure to be something, to be someone is so immense. When you look around you everyone seems to be doing something for themselves, people […]
The most difficult age for any man born in Nigeria
should be between 24 and 29 years, the pressure to be something, to be someone is so immense.
When you look around you everyone seems to be doing something for themselves, people seem to be living a life you only dream of. You have applied for jobs and the results have been more disappointing than Yakubu Aiyegbeni penalty kick at the world cup.
Sadly this is the age when most guys lose it, the age when if not careful one is consumed by alcohol or drugs, because the disappointments become too much and you find alternative ways to face reality. Worse is when a few people you studied with have been lucky enough to land jobs, soon your circle of friends gets thinner – mostly they don’t even cut you out but you will be real with yourself and cut yourself off. I mean what will you do when you are in a WhatsApp group of friends and they are discussing about last week’s trip in Dubai and planning another trip South Africa while you are not sure of what your next meal would be?
Most times you follow the conversation silently, all alone like a cross on the grave. Soon you realize this is no longer your kind of crowd because the more you keep around the more the pressure to be something, takes a toll on you. You know when stories about house parties come up and you act deaf because you don’t know where an extra 5 guys would fit in your house. Have you ever sat in a group of people discussing the new iPhone on the market or how British Airways offers poo services and you can feel your heart whisper to you “boss this is chest pain hour, can we just go and find a group that talks about GMAT, Dragnet, jobberman or job vacancies sites“.
But you sit there as these people are lost in their lifestyle conversations, you are like a secretary taking minutes in meeting. You are totally forgotten like one of a woman’s breasts during pre-intimacy. Once in a while one of the friends will turn and ask if you need another drink and you wonder if you should just say No and head home, but head home to do what? So you grudgingly drop in the comment “I will have just one last one“ Lie.
But after a few years of job hunting, you are now ready to take anything even if is to smell a rich man’s farts as long as it pays , so you end up as an office messenger in one blue chip company in town. To imagine that 4-5 years of studying and getting a degree is now reduced to picking and dropping off letters and if you are not doing that, you are being sent for cheap lunch by the employees when they are broke and they can’t order with fast food. This is when conversations about where people schooled start, you go silent for it’s no longer of any use to say you also reached University, it doesn’t matter – you have resorted to surviving.
Once in while you will bump into your now well to do classmates, they would offer you lunch, but not even eating the meals at Eko Hotel or Sheraton will make you feel better about yourself, because in your mind you wish instead they would give you the 30k and you sort your meals for the next 5 weeks. As it is the norm you will have photos taken, and uploaded on Facebook, but always it’s your face that would look the odd one out – not even the best filters can hide a face which has suffered the city’s dust and sun but survives on boiled beans.
The worst mistake you can do during this period is to try and date – there is nothing that a person going through such times can offer in terms of love. How are you going to do evening romantic walks when you are tired from walking delivering letters in offices around town? What are you going to tell your lady when she says she wants to go for relaxation at the bar, pool or love garden sites that are in town? That your financial religion doesn’t allow it or what? This is the age when you sit back and watch as the ladies you would want to date are dating or getting married to guys 10 years older than you. And you can’t blame them – it’s only that your life seems to be progressing slower than their goals in life. Most of the ladies you meet during this period, if you are lucky will be patient with you till you hit 28, and if by then your life is still in disarray like Liverpool’s and Chelsea’s performance in the EPL then my friend be prepared for a walk out.
But then this is the age when you learn a lot of about life, if you can hack through this stage of life the only hard moment in your life would be when you lose your parents – that’s if you are still lucky enough to have them. This stage teaches you a lot about perseverance, about appreciating the small wins you have each day, it teaches you something about friendship, love, career growth and personal responsibility. This is always your rise or fall moment depending on the choices you make. How you live your life in the 30’s is determined by how you handled your life in this phase
Note;this is a random post(thoughts might not be aligned), written during the heat of fuel crisis, before inauguration. Living in Nigeria is expensive. Why do Nigerians abroad complain about paying bills? When you even obviously pay more bills at home. You dig […]
Note;this is a random post(thoughts might not be aligned), written during the heat of fuel crisis, before inauguration.
Living in Nigeria is expensive. Why do Nigerians abroad complain about paying bills? When you even obviously pay more bills at home. You dig your own borehole, pump water with your generator, buy fuel almost everyday, pay outrageous Nepa bills even when the light doesnt come on, you pay for gas every month, pay for security, pay the refuse collectors etc. And when fuel scarcity lingers like this, you buy a litre of fuel at #250.
A taste of hell is when you discover chicken pox on your body in this period of heat and fuel crisis. As your body itches and you languish in pain, with no fan to ease your discomfort, you curse your luck for being born into this country.
In the wake of the election result, when the excitement was still viral especially among the Hausas; my neighbor told me ‘anytime you go to the market, just say ‘sai baba or sai buhari’ and you’ll sure get more than you bargained for.
So, off i went to the aboki selling tomatoes and shouted ‘sai baba’, he responded with a big smile and while nodding his head intermittently, gave me a bagful of tomatoes worth thrice more. Another neighbor talked of how a biker took her around Apo-Kabusa environs while she engaged him in buhari dialogue, chanting sai buhari at intervals till he dropped her at home without remembering or bothering to collect a dime.
However, on another occasion, i had gone to a carrot seller and after he gave me what i felt was unsatisfactory(i’d been eyeing a very big carrot which he obviously kept avoiding) so, i took the big carrot and shouted ‘sai baba’, he looked at me with red eyes, shouted sai baba as well and with one hand, collected his big carrot back. The mallams are now wiser. The excitement, jamboree, manipulations are all gone.
As inauguration draws near, we are all keeping our fingers crossed waiting for the ‘change’. Even the mallams are waiting. As fuel crisis lingers, among other woes bedeviling our nationhood, we need change.
Yetunde Olasiyan
27th May, 2015