Carefully Scripted Coro Diagnosis…..

Hi, it’s been a while.
I have been recuperating.
I fell sick one week after treating that malaria I wrote about. It looked like I was dying. I went through excruciating pains and it was all over my body. The pains would usually start in the evenings then when I manage to sleep, it comes back by 1am and I’m writhing in pains till daybreak.

I swallowed a lot of drugs. Took Panadol. Finished a malaria dose yet no improvement. I wasn’t sleeping every night for three straight days. My body was hot. You could cook noodles on my body that period. My head was banging, one of the worst headaches I ever had in my life. I could not walk again.

One day in the middle of the night, during another painful episode, after catching a glimpse of my neck in the bathroom mirror on my way from the loo, I received sense to go to the hospital in the morning.
But I did one very important thing. I checked the calendar for the circle. This circle determines whether my time would be wasted at the hospital or not. The circle shows the next menstrual date.
I managed to get to the hospital. Twas as if I was floating on air. I took a bike. Hospital wrote “no face mask, no treatment”.
Chai, I only came with menstrual cycle date, I didn’t know that face mask was a requirement too.
I didn’t even have money. But I have NHIS.
I walked in nonetheless and saw all of them without facemask or lab coat sitting down gloomily. The whole place was dry and devoid of the normal human traffic.
“We can’t attend to you without a facemask”, a guy said
I was turning to go back home and die.

Abuja is now on partial lockdown but this happened on a no-access day. The street was dry. No shops opened.
But I told myself, let me just alert at least someone that I tried o. I really tried not to die, you see I came to the hospital and went back home because I didn’t have a face mask.
Well, phone buzzed and money came. I did a u-turn, asked around for where to get mask, followed a strange guy to one house where he said it was sold and got two.

Use this thing when goin to the loo. It saves you from ‘you know what’

When I eventually saw the doctor, the chairs had been re-arranged. Patients now sat close to the door not directly facing the doctor. Doctor now sat at the far end of the room close to the window.
Hospital had no light. No diesel. One of the most popular bougie hospitals around. If you go to their HMO desk at Wuse, they will first of all ask you
“You are from which company/parastatal? Is it Julius Berger or Total Nig…… Is it THT/NHIS? Do you have an ID card?”
If you need to get tested for eyes, they will ask you to call your HMO and ask if it’s part of your package. Your HMO can choose to pay 60% while you foot the rest of the bill.
They cater to big companies and government parastatals yet they can’t employ doctors. They don’t always have malaria drugs and injections. You can stay waiting for hours before a doctor attends to you. No empathy by their staff, zero professionalism. Now, no diesel.
Of course I’m changing hospital as soon as Coro leaves. No more bougie for me.

The hospital was in total darkness. It was early morning but it was dark inside. I left home 7am or thereabout.
So instead of referring me to the lab for test, he didn’t bother. He didn’t even ask me the period question. The thing pain me ehn. The day that I finally went with the answer to the question I’ve always failed, nobody remembered to ask me.
“So, I wrote that the nurses should give you injections”
“Please, give me drugs”
“Okay, repeat the malaria drug you’ve been taking…..
As I heard that, I knew I would not get better. And I needed anything that’d take away the pain and sleeplessness. I didn’t mind what it was. The only problem was, I never take injections. I hate needles.
But like a lamb before the slaughter, I offered myself to be given injection. Something I haven’t taken in years. Drugs have always killed my malaria. But this malaria was probably sent to me. Won Fe get mi ni😁😀😊but they didn’t get me.

All of a sudden, he became quiet and asked with a very solemn voice
“Do you feel the taste of food you eat?”
I shook my head
“What?”, He said
The way he looked at me alarmingly made me realize it was a carefully scripted Coro diagnosis. My brain returned immediately.
“Yes I can feel it”, I said
“Are you coughing?”
Then I grinned. Las Las, you no fall hand. Person wey fear Coro wey no even protect himself. How can you tell patients to wear masks and you are just sitting there without a mask yourself?
“Doctor abeg, give me my file make I go collect my injection”
He passed the file to me gingerly, making sure his hand didn’t brush mine😁😂
I went to the pharmacy to see a grim face woman
“We don’t have this injection. You will have to go and buy. But come and sign here”
The signing was for the poison she was going to give me. They wrote ‘poison’ on that book. It’s a drug for insomnia that you can’t buy over the counter.
I trekked outside to buy injection. That trip shouldn’t take more than 10mins but it took me 30mins. I could barely walk.

I got back and the nurses station was empty.
“Wait for them, they will soon come”.
They had all gone on ward round. When a nurse eventually came, got my file and collected the arthemeter injection, she casually asked if I’d eaten.
That was when I remembered that I had not. She said “ahn, you want to finish me. Go and look for something to eat”
Iru wahala wo leleyi ntori oloun? Where will I get anything to eat in this dry desert? O su mi.
I eventually got the injection after eating two pieces of pure Bliss. Injection was painful and peppery. I went back home and slept for the first time.

My friend, prisca’s diary messaged me coincidentally and she recommended scent leaf and bitter leaf.
I’m now a responsible human being sha. I have never taken these stuffs in my life but because of what I went through, I was willing to try anything.
When I blended that shit and drank, it was bitter. So I added malt to it. I drank it for three days, took injection for three days and I started sleeping well at night. The bitter leaf concoction worked every night even after my drugs finished.
I rose up from my bed just few days back and I appreciate good health more. It wasn’t easy mehn. I was so helpless.
I have a garden at the back of my compound where there’s scent leaf, bitter leaf, moringa, banana. Only mango tree is not there.
So I will be taking medicinal concoctions now. Let me be my own babalawo. I even went to dig out my Botany 504 notebook, one of the best courses I had in 500L taught by Professor Egunjobi, a visiting lecturer from UI. We used to call the course ‘tewetegbo’.

That book contains the solution to many of the world’s biggest ailment apart from Coro using medicinal plants. It even contains how to do ‘aworo’ so that you can sell your market faster. Even how to do ‘Ogun isoye’, brain booster. I want to sell the book for 250k. Pls message me and I will send to you.😁😂😀

This stuff was in my book all along and I was messaging prisca to ask for dosage😊


She has won many awards in writing and poetry amongst which are CLO essay competition (1st Prize Southwest) NDIC essay competition(5th Prize in the southwest) and a World Bank Essay Certificate of Participation She has worked with as a content editor and a host of sites as a ghost writer. She has written great inspirational content for fashion brands/blogs. She has been featured on radio and recently added public speaking to her portfolio. You can hire her to write a professional/business profile for you, online content editing, book editing, guest blogging, ghostwriting, content creation or if you need copies of her book, contact her via [email protected] Olasiyan Olasiyan Follow her business page on Instagram @officialladywriter


April 22, 2020