I wrote this last night but it didn’t upload due to network issues…..so here goes
I was home on that popular red day
that people make so much noise about every year. I had fever. I had body pains. Anxiety symptoms. Chills.
It started since the day we stayed so late in court last week. Till almost 7pm. I left at a point though, with aching head. I was back at work the next day. We sat at 3pm. It was a Friday. We didn’t rise till after 4pm. I bailed.
So I bought drugs off the shelf. Felt a little bit better. Went to work on Thursday and the headaches came back with a bang. I managed to survive Friday. But I woke up with more symptoms this morning and I knew it was time to go to the hospital.
When I finally saw the doctor, female, pretty, glasses wearing, after I told her the symptoms, she asked next
“when was your last period?”
I smiled. I’m already used to this question. I would have reminded her even if she didn’t ask. I came prepared for that question 😂😂 so I answered mischievously.
“I’ve been looking for it for the past two days and I haven’t found it”, I replied cheekily. At least the red day was just 24hours ago. So everything kind of sums up. Valentine’s day plus a missing period.
I watched amusingly as her pen flickered quickly across the piece of lab paper where she wrote Mp, Widal and PT. I smiled wider. She gave me the paper and said “take it to the lab”. I was about to get tested for pregnancy the second time.
The last time I was at this hospital, I saw a male doctor and I told him I suspected malaria. When he asked me the “period” question, I had had my monthly flow already or it wasn’t due yet but I just couldn’t remember the last date and before you could say jack, he had written PT on my lab sheet.
So, I went to the lab. Blood sample was taken. I waited patiently and began to reminisce. Did I get pregnant in my sleep? Last time I checked, I don’t even have a spirit husband. 😅😀😃🤣
Why are they after me in this hospital? Why do they want pregnancy to fall on me? I had malaria and for a week, I was scared to go to the hospital because I knew they would slam a PT test on me. This is the second week and I had to go today eventually.
I have had malaria all my life to be sure of the symptoms. Besides, the pregnancy history of the females in my family does not include body aches, fever, headache etc. Our pregnancy history does not even include swollen legs, vomiting or spitting.
So, the female doctor ended her shift and left. When I was called again, it was to see a male doctor, my favorite anyways.
He was the only doctor on duty and he had an emergency CS to attend to. He walked out and asked me to wait. I was catching cold and feeling feverish while seated.
He walked in again, not noticing I had switched off his fan. He began to complain about seeing so many people. Too many sick people with only one doctor. He tried calling another doctor to come and relieve him so that he could go and carry out the surgery.
By the time he had time to quickly attend to me before rushing out again, my lab result was nowhere to be found. He was almost using another person’s test result to diagnose me. We searched his table but it wasn’t there.
He said “I will just treat you for malaria and typhoid”
I said “wa shere doctor”…in my mind Sha.
He wrote some drugs. I was worried about my PT result. How will I lose my PT test result like that? The paper had to get missing because of the pregnancy?😁😁😁😁😁😁aye mi o.
I sha came back home without a pregnancy test result. They had no ACT drug so I still went to buy.
However, unlike before when my appetite used to go south because of illness, I discovered that my appetite is so healthy and abnormally okay. I’m eating and over eating, more like a depressive symptom. Or a pregnancy symptom 😊😛😋😂
I had begged the doctor to give me a drug that’d make me sleep. He did. But I was asked to sign for that particular drug before I could take it. I saw that other people who received it at one point had signed for it too. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into until the pharmacist closed the book and I saw that it was labeled POISON. Not poison that would kill. But poison that should only be administered on doctor’s prescription and which cannot be bought over the counter.
I came back home and googled it. For the first time, Google didn’t scare me. It only showed that the drug would help with my anxiety attacks and make me sleep. This doctor had given me this same small, nameless drug when I complained to him that I was running out of my mind and could not sleep because I thought my dead father was following me around back in 2017. I was seeing him in my dreams and all. That was the week he died and I was sleeping at the hospital after sleeping at my neighbor’s for some days.😂😂😂. He gave me that nameless drug and I slept deeply and it calmed my brain.
Why am I having anxiety attacks? I really don’t know. I’m moving houses. I’ve found a beautiful house in an enviable location close to a police area command. Police is now my neighbor. But the money I’m coughing out is giving me panic attacks. The stress of moving chairs, luggage and all is scaring me. I’m too lazy to even move my ass not to talk of moving an entire house. I need to get a prepaid meter too. And. I’m just overwhelmed.
Tinuke badmus would understand this because we had this kind of convo when she had a shop and an apartment in eyebrow bodija estate before she moved to kaduna. Babe was legit complaining of having to renew two rent.
On the bright side, let me tell you about my good friends. Barrister Saturday(not real name) and the one whom I call Esquire. Esquire is married with a kid. I’m good friends with him and his wife. He drives this really beautiful muscle Camry with tinted glasses. It’s always exciting to go with them in the morning because we are all gisting, shouting, yabbing each other and quoting different sections of the law while at it. He drops his wife and baby first in garki. Then him and Barr Saturday drives me to the office. Barr Saturday is newly wedded.
I always beg them to drop me by the gate and let me trek inside. They will say “why, what are you hiding? You don’t want them to think we are your sugardaddies right? They must see us today. Infact, I am dropping you right within the second gate. So he zooms in and tries to enter the court premises gangan. I quickly open the door, jump out and run to the elevator. Those guys are the best thing since sliced bread. I always enjoy our morning conversation. We are friends because they have matters in my court.
J. E’s birthday was on the 13th. We haven’t talked this year. He could be annoying sometimes. He was supposed to get me into Lagos last year and he said ” oh I forgot”. But the thing is, he will see me, go on his knees and say he’s sorry. He once did that at jeviniks and I didn’t tell him to get up.
Still smarting from that anger I decided to sub him on his birthday. Guy didn’t even know it was a sub when I wrote “J E, today marks the end of your 39th year on earth. You will never see your thirties again. May your forties be kind to you.” He just clocked 39 and technically, he will start counting down to 40 from now.
It is very hard to see the sub but it’s a big sub anyways.
So, after taking that drug that I signed to collect, I’m still here, looking like lucozade, my eyes are as dry as if I murdered sleep.#sighs#