The yam seller who wants to marry my father
Who says only young ladies are looking for men to marry? Think again! The hustle to get married is real out there and the competition is getting fiercer by the day.
Especially now that old women/ the aged are looking for husbands too. Not just mean men to call their own, but men of timber and calibre who may not even be in their social strata.
Two fridays ago, I was in Garki to see my father. We were in the midst of an important discussion when his phone rang.
He looked at it and hissed. Then with a dismissive wave of the hand, he told his assistant who raised his eyebrow when he noticed his refusal to pick the call-
“Its my yam seller customer in Ondo state. She has been disturbing me all this while. She’s looking for husband”. My father said
She wants to know when next I am travelling.
I was beyond shocked because obviously this was more than ‘yam matter’. So I asked him
“How did she know you are single/ a widower?”
“Well, I stopped to buy yams from her on the day I was going home for my wife’s burial.”
Now, understand this. My father loves travelling by road(especially since aircrafts have become ‘molue’ and people roll on the floor to thank their ‘chi’ after a successful flight.)
Successful here doesn’t mean without smoke emanating from the aircraft or there was no difficulty in landing or turbulence as the case may be, it simply means you got out alive.
So, when he travels by road, he stops at various points starting from gwagwalada in abuja to the front gate of FUTA in Akure, even till osun state to buy foodstuffs.
Gwagwalada is for beans and onions
Owo is for yam
Akure is for plantain chips if I am in the car.
I think akungba is for garri
There is a place in Osun state where he buys cocoyam and plantain. I have forgotten the name of the town.
Now, he has the habit of throwing banters with these market women while haggling over prices. Sometimes, some of them jokingly indicate they will follow him home if he doesn’t pay the agreed sum.
So we spend time on the road just throwing banters and laughing at silly jokes all the way from abuja to ibadan. Only Laolu his driver doesnt laugh. Been a while I went with him though.
Obviously, Iya onisu must have gotten carried away on many of such trips and fantasized so much about the good looking, humorous old man who patronises her in a hilux.
Iya Onisu knows what it means to fight for what she wants. Iya Onisu wants to be shuttling between FCT and Owo to see her boyfriend-my father.
I cannot remember Iya onisu’ s face. He has so many customers on the road that I have lost count. And I get tired, so much that i just don’t laugh anymore at old people’s jokes or find the stops interesting anymore. They flock around the car saying ‘daddy wa’ and kneel to greet him.
If Iya onisu becomes a girlfriend, it means I get to eat more yams free in a time of great economic depression.
However, Iya onisu is not winning. She is not anywhere close. Iya onisu needs to try harder or better still, get close to baba kudi eleran who may have shown interest in her before now.
But father, why did you give Iya onisu your number in the first place?