The many faults of Buhari’s administration

Even ordinary/common family planning no longer works under Buhari’s administration. Ok, here goes:
Iya Farouk is my neighbour. No, she doesn’t live in my compound. Her husband is a landlord in the area. Now, Iya Farouk is pregnant with her 7th child(blame a failed family planning method). She has had six beautiful kids with interesting names; Aisha, Binta, Farouk, Ali, Alameen..(i dunno the name of the last girl).
By the way, Farouk is her third child but you know how society calls a woman by the name of her son? Inadvertently giving a false sense of importance to the boy child over the girl child. Well, this never worked in my family. My mum lived and died as ‘iya yet’. Not iya Tobi or iya tomiwa.
As I was saying, Iya Farouk used to have a small shop infront of her hubby’s house. But since ‘change’ came, the shop has been closed till date. No money to buy her wares.
So iya Farouk dusted her NCE certificate and went on to get a teaching job in a government primary school. How she got it, I do not know. She told me she would re-open after getting her first salary.
I don’t know if Buhari has been paying them but if he has, she must have collected up to 3salaries yet the shop is still locked. I do not blame her. Market prices have gone up. I doubt if her salary can bring her shop back to life. This is one of the many faults of Buhari’s government.
Iya Ehizogie is my neighbour who lives in my compound. She is one of the meanest people I have ever met in my three decades on earth. She works in a Federal commission. Now, whenever she’s supposed to pump water, she does so secretly only at that time of the night when witches and wizards are having their meetings. She does this so that nobody gets to fetch especially if she pumps with her generator.
Trust me, I open down all my taps from evening. So when it is almost 1am, the water starts running. Then, I fly out of bed. And with a devilish grin on my face, I fill up all the storehouses including empty cans of malt drinks, empty cooking pots, handwashing bowls, water bottles and every other imaginary bottle lying fallow. This is the greatest sin of Buhari’s administration.
If you are still engaging in bedroom activities with your spouse in this harsh economic time, you seriously dunno what you are doing. When next you feel the urge, first of all, check the current pump price of fuel(black market is now 250), check the price of indomie, pampers etc trust me, you’ll end up facing the wall that night. Ask Iya Farouk. Nobody will preach abstinence to her again. Buhari’s government has taught her.
I stopped watching TV or listening to news since January. I got tired of the polished accents of the newscasters who read out bad news with a straight face(harbingers of evil report). Now, I get my fresh juicy news from okada riders, taxi drivers, shoe makers, lazy men who sit under the tree(especially in front of that old secretariat in Garki). Just throw ant topic to them and they begin to spill. Na you go tire.
Even the churches are now empty. People are so tired of calling on God to help them. But assuming you are God, won’t you sef be tired of Nigeria?(well, that’s why you aren’t God).
When next you hear ‘change’, take off your two shoes, put it on your head, look neither left nor right, just focus straight on and run for dear life. Trust me, it’s a change you don’t need.
Where are all the endtime apostles of change? Am talking of those ones who didn’t allow us rest with their social media campaigns in 2015. Do you know what happened to the prophets of Baal?
Yetunde Olasiyan
May, 2016

She has won many awards in writing and poetry amongst which are CLO essay competition (1st Prize Southwest) NDIC essay competition(5th Prize in the southwest) and a World Bank Essay Certificate of Participation She has worked with as a content editor and a host of sites as a ghost writer. She has written great inspirational content for fashion brands/blogs. She has been featured on radio and recently added public speaking to her portfolio. You can hire her to write a professional/business profile for you, online content editing, book editing, guest blogging, ghostwriting, content creation or if you need copies of her book, contact her via Olasiyan Olasiyan Follow her business page on Instagram @officialladywriter

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