Silly, Stupid Thinz
The fact that you are not yet wearing a ring on your finger doesn’t mean you are a piece of meat to every Okoro, Emeka, Chinedu, Wasiu, Isiaka, Nnamdi, Chinwoke and Slyvesters of this world. Most especially when these Okoros do not even measure up to your social, educational and financial status. Just in case you have not noticed – ‘na lazy men sabi beta things pass’. Yet, they still walk up to you to prove that they are men [eyes rolling]. Well, there is a way you distinguish the boys from the men [isn’t it?]
There is this pint sized corp member attached to my desk. His name is Temple. He is from Abia state with a very thick and heavy Ibo accent that is so damn irritating to the ear. He knows the job quite well and he read mass communication. I needed a piece of information from him and took him out to lunch at the Journalist’s Rendezvous. He didn’t object to me paying for his meal [well, that’s how to separate the boys from the men]. In fact, he ate the food happily. I got the information i needed and we formed a working partnership.
Later, he started to call me unnecessarily. At times, it would be ‘I just called to hear your voice’. I found it very amusing and did not know what to make out of it. One day, he called and said ‘baby, am missing you’ [OMG! WHAT THE HECK?] My eyes were nearly popping out of the socket. I felt bile rise up through my throat from the pit of my stomach. Honestly, i could have slapped him hard if he was in front of me, [i am much taller than him]. However, he was lucky that i was in an environment where i needed to act like a lady so i could not reply him appropriately instead i said ‘i am not missing you’. Then, he said ‘you are not missing me abi,’ and he hung up.
I reported him to his boss, Jonathan Eze who warned him to steer clear. He even teased and asked him where he would get money to maintain a woman. The silly boy said ‘God would provide’ [LMAO]. One day, he went home with a copy of the newspaper that carried my article and i called to tell him to bring it to the office the next day. He gave me the most stupid answer. He said ‘I’ll bring it on one condition, tell me that you love me’. I nearly fell from the chair. I could not laugh; i was just so damn irritated. Then I thought within myself that maybe it was the powers from his father’s house that were after him [in case you are familiar with Mfm prayer point]. At that point, i stopped getting angry, it was simply powers from Abia state that didn’t want him to finish his youth service in one piece.
I can imagine my friend Tinuke Badmus saying ‘oh, Nike you are too proud’. Well, I wouldn’t mind swapping places with her if she wants [lol]. My friend Ayo Fagbenle was telling me how a factory support had gotten her number and started calling her. These boys work in the factory while waiting for admission into university. The money they make in a month is not even sufficient for them oo. She recorded the conversation on her phone while she put it on speaker so that her friends could listen and they all had a good laugh. The boy went on bragging that he had gotten another job so he could take care of her. So disgusting.
Anyway, my boss asked me the other day ‘who is your ideal man?’ well, this boss of mine has a fat head, fat body and he walks with a certain rough swag which i don’t find funny at all[ no insult meant, that’s just the plain truth]. I wanted to avoid the question and yet, send a message to him so i said ‘well, i don’t really think i have a picture in my head but i definitely know he must not have a fat head [oops! Yetunde Olasiyan!!!]’ He got the message instantly and i was grinning from ear to ear as i continued with my work. That is what happens when you work in a predominantly male environment but i sure enjoy every bit of it. That doesn’t stop him from saying ‘oh, you are too skinny for my liking’ and he stops at sweet sensation the next day to buy me a meal.
I have been given this assignment to cover a press conference at Maharaji Village tommorrow. Guru Maharaji is celebrating his 32 years in ‘our’ midst as he tagged it. I have argued with my boss giving him a thousand reasons why i cannot cover it. During the week, i googled his name out on the internet to do a background investigation on him apart from what I have heard from people. The result was not too pleasant. It’s like going to the forest of a thousand demons where everybody would be adorned in yellow, black and red colours. He claims he is god. Well, i don’t want to meet him unless he’s ready to come to Jogor center or Kakanfo inn or better still, Trans Amusement Park to talk to gentlemen of the press. I am certainly not going to his den tomorrow. I pray my boss does not read this.
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