Well, save your breath if you are the lovey-dovey type. You love your guy so much and can’t think of any reason to suspect that he cheats on you. Well, read on. Anyway, there are different levels of cheating. It is not […]
Well, save your breath if you are the lovey-dovey type. You love your guy so much and can’t think of any reason to suspect that he cheats on you. Well, read on. Anyway, there are different levels of cheating. It is not about catching him with another girl in the hotel or restaurant. No, guys have developed sophisticated means whereby they can cheat right under your nose and in your presence [LMAO], but you will never suspect. No, it’s quite absurd, you can’t imagine it. Well, with blackberry phones where you can connect with facebook, twitter and BBM, your guy stays forever connected to his chain of gurls, well, take it or leave it. Even the best guy does things behind your back which he wouldn’t want you to know about.
Wait a minute, am not saying he doesn’t love you. Really, he does, no doubt about that but he can’t just change his habits, he can’t keep his eyes away. Why?? Because it boosts his ego that he has so many girls all dying for him. He cares about you greatly, takes you to the cinema, gives you attention, spend the whole of the day with you, he only goes to his house for a change of clothe. And you wonder when he has time for another girl. You might be in for a surprise, never under-estimate a guy. Methinks it is inbuilt in them to naturally pretend and manoeuvre things cleverly with so many girls.
Now, the issue is when your guy chats with a girl regularly at night even when you are there and he says ‘it’s nothing, she‘s just a colleague who just lost her boyfriend. Know that something is wrong. He sends kisses n hugs, bbm smiley as goodnight. He passwords his phone and read text messages in the lavatory. Please, look before you leap. Some crazy girl calls him by midnight to ask how he is faring and he picks up the phone, he defends every girl you point accusing fingers at. He tells you to grow up and stop being jealous cos its just a means of networking, please don’t keep quiet. Well, read below the story of a married man who confessed he has cheated on his wife once in their marriage.
I dated shewa while in secondary school but we lost contact thereafter. I dated a couple of girls after her; i had a weakness for fine girls especially figure eights. I took them to bed at will. Most times, one met another during visitations. It never meant anything. My present wife was one of them but she was special because she didn’t give up on me. Each time those girls came, she entertained and welcomed them.
I later turned a new leaf after getting married to her because i gave my life to Christ. I became committed to the things of God. I stopped playing with women. Our marriage was blessed with a son and ours was a happy home.
But one day, someone called me, she said she got my number from a friend. She was so excited. I told her i was now married. Yes, she was happily married too with three kids. It turned out to be shewa. Obviously, she was still living in the past. She started calling frequently, everyday like ten times [this is not an exaggeration] she liked me a lot then. She wanted us to continue from where we stopped. I rebuffed her vehemently. She got to the extent of calling me at night when my wife would be there.
So i told my wife about her. She got angry as shewa kept calling even in her presence. One night after shewa called, my wife called her husband telling him to talk to his wife. That his wife just called her husband. The man did not believe. He said his wife was right there seated beside him so how could she have called her husband. If she didn’t call to seek advice over her business, it would be over her family issues or what i thought about the shape of her breast. She always had one or more reason to call me and i was always responding.
So it went on to the extent that shewa would visit my workplace. One day, she came with a brand new car which she claimed she bought for me. I rejected it out rightly. To be honest, shewa was a very attractive woman even after three kids. Her breast still stood firm on her chest and she still retained that figure i so much liked. After about six months of chasing me, i finally lost the battle.
One day, she booked a hotel and we went there. We had fun. It happened twice before my eyes opened. My wife does not know. I stopped picking her calls. I begged God for forgiveness………………
Here is another story
I met tunde in my first year in school. He helped me with assignments. He was very brilliant. He was in his third year. I fell in love with him even though my friends didn’t like him. They said he was too ugly. I didn’t mind. I went to visit him regularly. He was a poor boy so i gave him cash occasionally. He could spend the whole day with me. We went everywhere together. He belonged to a club in school, LEO club. During his installation as the president, i spent over a hundred thousand naira; we booked hotel and venue, arranged for small chops and food. I did everything he wanted. He was my first so i believed in him. I had no reason to doubt him and didn’t believe everything people told me about him.
To cut a long story short, i received a call from a lady who claimed to have been impregnated by him. I didn’t believe it but i confronted him over it and he didn’t deny. My world was shattered. I landed in the hospital cos i took an over dose of paracetamol. I wanted to die. But God saved my life. Still, i loved him and was ready to go on with him. My friends thought i was mad but it was love. The girl gave birth to a baby boy, he said he didn’t want the mother but accepted the child.
By this time, he was already out of school and was serving at a bank in Lagos. I went to visit him. One day after he left for work, i discovered some feminine things in his room, several lingerie of other women.
I eventually left him. It was a waste of time.
Dear readers, if your boyfriend is the perfect or near perfect guy and you have had no reason to doubt him or you are sure he’s never cheated on you, drop your comment in the box below
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MY PLACE IN LIFE
Do you feel uncertain? Do you feel unsure of your destiny? You don’t even know what you were created to do or be? You are not alone. Everybody that ‘made’ it felt like that. The uncertainty and unpredictability are a part of your script. Expect it and rejoice in it. Your destiny is a journey, not a destination.
Have you ever felt so lonely you wondered why God created you? You just got tired of things around you, a sense of foreboding. Nothing seems to be working just now or you don’t know what to do next? Not sure which decision would lead you to your destination and you are afraid of taking the wrong step, so you are kind of stuck in the mid-road of confusion.
Confusion is the greatest enemy of mankind and it stems from fear, fear of the unknown. You are suddenly being catapulted into deep realms beyond your wildest imagination. Being suddenly afraid of the future while the memory of the past holds nothing to cherish. The search for fulfilment is indeed a journey into the unknown. But you don’t have to get lost. The search for one’s place in life is an intriguing one yet quite evident in the palms of the almighty.
My frame wasn’t hidden from you,
When I was made in secret,
Woven together in the depths of the earth.
Ps 139:16 your eyes saw my body.
In your book they were all written,
the days that were ordained for me,
when as yet there were none of them.
Ps 139:17 how precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Ps 139:18 If I would count them, they are more in number than the sand.
When I wake up, I am still with you.
The search includes knowing exactly what God wants for you and his plans for your life per time. These things are not written on billboards; it takes a level of personal determination, desire and separation to get to understand these divine timetables. Each day of our life is open as a book in front of him even while we were yet unborn.
You are going to walk your way into your destiny. It is like climbing a ladder. Each step takes you higher and gives you a better perspective. Until you take the next step, you will continue to grope at the same level. God is not committed to revealing what’s around the corner until you proceed to the corner. Nobody ever won a prize for doing nothing.
By faith Abraham went out not knowing where he went. He even lived in the Promised Land not knowing it was his final abode. It was going to take several centuries for these truths to find ultimate fulfilment but Abraham was contented with just taking the next step. God said to Abraham ‘leave you country, your family and your village. That’s a very vague instruction. Where should he leave to? Why should he leave? For how long is he leaving? These are not easy questions and are full of uncertainties.
Abraham practically walked his way into destiny. Each day was filled with betrayal, sometimes war and other heart-rending decisions. He didn’t know what the outcome would look like but he was willing to make each day count.
Was Abraham certain that ‘God will provide for himself a ram’ for the sacrifice or he was only calming the nerves if Isaac. Did he know beforehand the outcome of sending away Ishmael and Hagar? How could he have predicted that, that act would save Joseph several decades later and set him off towards the actualisation of the dream of possessing the Promised Land? It was the Ishmaelite that bought Joseph from his bloodthirsty brothers and sold him to blood thirsty brothers in Egypt. God did not reveal all these to Abraham, but it was still a part of the plot.
God has a way of turning your mistakes of yesterday and today to some advantages in the unseen tomorrow. Like Abraham, you should be contented with believing just in the end while making the most of the present. Be a genuine seeker of the truth- the truth about yourself, who you are, where you come from, where you are headed, what is your purpose. This will guide your steps in the journey. It will be long, sometimes tiring but ultimately very interesting.
Olasiyan olanike yetunde with Paago Aleele Imabel
School was fun in those days. I went to the best university then, great Ife. School was free, we bought our food ticket for a month beforehand so that in examination period, nobody would complain of hunger. I was one of the big boys […]
School was fun in those days. I went to the best university then, great Ife. School was free, we bought our food ticket for a month beforehand so that in examination period, nobody would complain of hunger. I was one of the big boys on campus then. My parents were separated. My father was in Warri while my mum was in Lagos. I had an uncle, a senior naval officer based in Kaduna and my elder sister was based in kano with her husband.
Anytime i was broke, i would travel from Ife to Kaduna to meet my sister. She would give me a lot of money and even pay for my return ticket to lagos. Her husband too would give me money again so i always had plenty in my pocket. On leaving Kaduna, i would fly directly to Lagos to see my mum. She was a trader in Balogun market. I would go to see her in the market and she would tell me to go home. On getting home at night, she would give me money to go back to school. I wouldn’t tell her i was coming from Kaduna and there was no GSM then, so there was no way my sister could have communicated it to her. I would leave for school the next day with plenty of money inn my pocket. At times, i could visit my uncle in Kaduna after leaving kano. I would pretend to be a good boy; wash the car, clean the environment and stuffs like that. My uncle would give me money for food, his wife would give me too. I blew all these money on shows, girls and food. We didn’t regularly eat in the canteen, we normally patronised the buka to eat ogunfe [goat meat].
Once it was past eight at night, we would take our turns in front of the female hostels, Mozambique especially during the October rush period. It was normal for every guy to ditch their former babe during the October rush period. I had a girlfriend then, Remi Apoeso. Very lovely girl, nice, beautiful and well-behaved. She loved me and i loved her. If i could turn back the hands of time, i would marry that girl. She came from a family of three, her eldest sister was a lawyer, her only brother was a medical doctor and she was studying to become a pharmacist. She lived and grew up in Ibadan, stayed with her parents in Bodija. She came from a well to do family. I visited her residence, met the siblings and they all liked me. I saw her mum too but she didn’t know i was going out with her daughter. I was like a big brother to her, always protecting her in school, helped her with registration, made sure she attended lectures, showed her around. Before taking any major decision about her life or any other thing, she consulted me first. Everyone on campus knew she was my girlfriend.
She was young and very innocent. She got to Ife at the age of 16. She was just too young. She believed so much in me and i was her first boyfriend. She had not known any man before me. We went to different shows and parties together on campus. At night, i would go to her hostel to wait for her and she would come out well dressed. We guys enjoyed the hospitality if the ladies then, not like in these days. Back then, a lady would have prepared dodo and beans for her guy in her room and so we never really visited the cafeteria. After then, we would go out to the cinema at night. There was always a show to watch every night.
Then, Remi found God on time, at that young age.later on in our relationship, she started becoming serious in fellowship activities. I noticed this and at times, played along with her. Later she became more consistent until she became an S.U. i was both irritated and disgusted. A whole me, going out with an S.U. it was too much for me to take so i kept my distance. But i contributed to it because at that time, i was no longer giving her attention. My eyes were everywhere. Her religious activity was an extremity. Her sister was a big girl, a trained lawyer. I wondered how her mum even coped with her.
But, October rush came and i found or discovered another girl, Ronke. She was not as beautiful as remi but she was wild in bed. And she was a new catch too.By then, i was in my finals while remi was in her second year. I would visit this girl’s hostel at night when i knew remi would have cooked and be waiting for me. Some of remi’s friends even saw me with my new girl in one of the halls sometimes and went to inform her. The following morning she came after me and said, ‘sola, i waited for you last night and didn’t see you, hope no problem’ and i would say ‘’nothing, am sorry about that. Again that night,the same action would repeat itself. She would wait for me without seeing me. Then, reality dawned on her.
It affected her so much that she became a shadow of herself probably more because i was her first love. She couldn’t concentrate on anything. Some of my friends even came with her to beg me and i blackmailed her. I told them that i had heard all their pleas but on one condition; that she would continue to do with me everything we were doing before. They said like what? I told them to ask her because i didn’t have much to say. She broke down in bitter tears and wept. I just walked out of the place.
I soon left school after this and after a while, i left my new girlfriend too. I couldn’t continue with her. Remi was far better and ahead of her in all ramifications both family wise and financially. Remi came from a good home, very gentle, nice and caring. Even my friends liked her. Ronke lived in Aba and at times i would be the one to sponsor her trip back to Aba for the hols. I helped her with finances. After a while, i got tired of the whole thing and dumped her unceremoniously. My friends kept on telling me about remi, how she never recovered from that trauma but i cared less. What was my concern with first love. To me she was history. But now, if i should bring out the record of all the girls i had dated and turn back the hands of time till that time, i would choose remi, i could have reformed her extremity a little and enjoy my life with her.
I got married two or three years after i left school. Then, i saw her again in 2002 since we left school. I went somewhere and someone just called my name. I turned back and it was her. She ran to me, hugged me, asked about everything, got my number etc. She was not married yet. Then, she started calling. One day, she called to inform me about her album launch at Airport hotel, Ikeja. I went alone on that day,saw her sister and mother. They all greeted me. I watched her display on stage and in my mind i was wishing…………..
When it was time for donation, i wrote a cheque for fifty thousand naira and dropped it but i had to put my name because it was a cheque. Being an album launch, many people were not there and with the calibre of people i saw there, i knew i was likely to be the highest donor. The next day, her call came in. She was asking why i left without telling her, she thanked me for the donation. Her sister also called, thanking me for the donation. I have not heard from her again because i lost my phone and couldn’t get her contact back.
But, how i wish i could turn back the hands of time…………..i should have married Remi
I live in the estate. I have a good job that regularly pays my bill even though i can’t afford to be extravagant. I am a manager in a manufacturing company in Lagos and i have paid my dues. I love to live the good […]
I live in the estate. I have a good job that regularly pays my bill even though i can’t afford to be extravagant. I am a manager in a manufacturing company in Lagos and i have paid my dues. I love to live the good life. I mean to spend money, have a good time with the boys, flex with girls, do some deals etc. That is the way i do my thing, love me or hate me. i love my life the way it is. That is how i have been living my life over the years.
I grew up in Ibadan, schooled there, although i stayed with some uncles and cousins at some particular time. I am from a family of four, the eldest child and the only son. I got all the attention from my mum and i learnt a lot about the female species through my sisters. Hell, you know how they fight over little things, talk about their boyfriends, share clothes and the likes. They can be one hell of trouble. I learnt that girls like to be told they are beautiful [even the ugliest girl wants a man who will tell her she’s beautiful] and they all like attention. In the bid to get men’s attention, girls can go all the way; changing hairstyles, make-up, shoes and clothes especially tight-fitting ones that will make the curves pronounced and make a man go gaga. Ladies love clothes and they like shopping. All these because of a man. I have seen my sisters do these all through the years while we were all growing up. They went to extra mural classes to show off their new clothes and have some time with their boyfriends. I saw all the love letters they received from men.
Beyond any iota of doubt, i am well accustomed to the ways of the female species from their physique to their beauty and genitalia. As a result of this, i have all it takes to catch any woman who i fancy. I had a couple of flings in my school days, ladies that wanted me as a permanent boyfriend but i was too carefree to notice that. Once i got what i wanted, i moved on to the next prey. I cared less about heart breaks or tears on the pillow; all those do not exist in my lexicon. I am well versed in this and i always have my way with women. I am good-looking, tall and buxom. Naturally, i have a caring attitude and i am particularly soft when it comes to the female gender. I love to dress well, i drive a nice car and i have a good command of English. I am a ladies’ man in every sense of the word. I don’t fail to catch women’s attention everywhere i go.
I remember titi, a girl i dated some years back. She really loved me. She gave her all; time, money and body. I simply ravished her to no end. I particularly love pretty, slim, dark girls with the right curves in the right places. I can go to any length to woo such girls and i actually had my fill of them. Titi was special though; she would come to my apartment, clean everywhere, wash my clothes, cook my favourite meal and warm my bed at night. She had a good job, not that she was doing it for any particular reason except that she loved me. I liked her person but i wasn’t really smitten by her. She introduced me to all her friends as her fiancé [what the heck?] and i told my friends that she was just my good friend. She regularly raised me when i was broke. She could do anything for me until……..she started talking about marriage. It scared me to my wit’s end [marriage?] at this time? When there are still plenty fish in the ocean. I told her to give me time and be patient because i was not ready yet. She then asked me ‘when will you be ready’? The truth was that i didn’t know when and i told her so. She became unhappy. I told her i cherish and love her [love?] and that she should be patient. She tried her best and saw that i was unyielding. It took her a lot of time and effort but she eventually faced the truth and left me with a broken heart. Few months after, she travelled out of the country for her master’s programme. I have not heard from her ever since.
I was grateful she left though. I went out more with the boys, we drank, had fun and there was always a girl every night. I took them to my apartment, had my fill of them but nothing serious.
I have continually lived my life like this until one day. I was at work when i saw a light-skinned beautiful lady approach my desk. She is tall, graceful with a good dentition and so damn attractive. She stopped at my desk.
Hello. How may i help you? I said to her
Please, are you Mr Olanrewaju? She said
No, but i can direct you to his desk. He is in marketing department. So i directed her, she muttered her thanks and went on her way. Soon enough, i started seeing a great deal of her. I got to know she was a corper posted to my organization for one year national service. I was elated with the news. She read marketing from a private university in Nigeria. Her name is bola.
With time, i started getting close to her, seeking her attention, offering to drive her home in my car and picking her up in the mornings. I invited her out to dinner and became her friend. Gradually, she was opening up to me. She lives with her uncle at ikeja. Her parents are far back in the east. She is an innocent young lady, not wild like every other girl i had met. She is of enviable character and a cool mien. I bet she has not been around so many men. She is 23 while i am 32. Even though, i naturally don’t dig fair-skinned girls, i saw in her a potential wife and a mother so finally; i popped the question to her. Would you marry me? I already knew the answer was going to be a yes. She accepted my proposal and officially became my fiancée. That night, we went to my apartment and i attempted to make love to her. She didn’t resist me but i got the shock of my life. She was a virgin, Gbam! .I have not had a virgin in years. I made love to her mechanically, careful not to hurt her. After this, it became more frequent. She regularly passed the night in my apartment. We kept our affair a secret because of busy bodies in the office.
She soon finished her service and was retained but we both agreed that she should switch her job for the sake of our union. Job ethics frowns at office dating or two people on the same job getting married. So, she got a banking job with a mouth-watering pay. I was happy she left because a new girl just joined the organization and i didn’t mind being her friend for a while. This girl is tall, dark and beautiful. She has everything i want in a woman. She is just my ideal girl. She has my shape of breast, height, looks etc. She fit very well into my model of a wife that i envisaged years back. I became friendly with her, got her number and we started going out. She really gave me a tough time. She didn’t want to agree but her reluctance was all the more driving me crazy, making me want her more. Her name is Kate.
I took her out a couple of times while being careful so that bola would not know. I have played this game severally so it is no longer a problem. I was creating time for her and bola as well. I never took Kate to my apartment because bola has the key. We regularly met outside and in her own apartment. By my carelessness or God’s design, bola took in. I was happy and confused at the same time. I already liked Kate so much and we were taking our friendship to the next level. Or is this a ploy to tie me down?
Well, i have no choice in this matter but to arrange for an introduction with her family in which marriage plans would also follow. So i arranged our introduction and we had it in December. I don’t know how Kate got to know but she has been avoiding me ever since. I have called her on phone but she has been cursing and warning me never to call her again. I have gone to her apartment but she refused to open the door. I am confused. Please help me, i love Kate and i like bola too but i don’t want to lose Kate.
Good day folks, i was reading a past edition of Daily Sun newspaper when i came across this interesting piece with Seyi Law. I have reproduced it verbatim but the only important ones. I actually found it inspiring[ if indeed the words […]
Good day folks, i was reading a past edition of Daily Sun newspaper when i came across this interesting piece with Seyi Law. I have reproduced it verbatim but the only important ones. I actually found it inspiring[ if indeed the words are true]. I do hope you find it refreshing too. Enjoy!
Award winning stand-up comedian Oluwaseyitan Aletile aka Seyi Law is enjoying marital bliss without batting an eyelid. The dude’s marriage to his heartthrob, Ebere Cham was a year old last month. In this interview with daily sun, he spoke about his wife and their marriage, his polygamous family background and how he wants to be a better father than his dad. Excerpts;
It’s been one year since you got married, how’s married life treating you?
I am happy and renewed. It was an interesting first year and we look forward to more joyous years ahead by God’s grace. Marriage is fine and fun. It’s been wonderful and one of the important things that happened to me in my life. My wife sees me as everything and i have many reasons to love her more. Our love is renewed each day with sweet memories of the past as a positive driving force filled with forgiveness.
What has changed about you since you got married?
Nothing much has changed about me but i don’t go out as i used to before i got married. Apart from that, i am still myself. Marriage has helped me to be more calm and happy. When people see me these days, they say am looking bigger, and i tell them it’s one of the dividends of marriage.
Most people go into marriage with certain expectations which if not met create problems, are your expectations being met in your marriage?
I am having fun in my marriage. I have a very good woman who takes care of me. She is one of the nicest woman i have ever met. When i wake up in the morning, there is always something for me to eat before i leave the house and when i get back at night, i am confident that my home is in good hands. When i go out, i have nothing to worry about because i know my wife has what it takes to keep me at home. When we talk, we discover that we reason alike and that is an interesting aspect of our relationship.
You are enthusiastic about having kids, how many do you wish to have?
My father has over 50 children, but i want to have three. Maybe when my first is 20 and the last one 10, i can drop one more to be the icing on the cake. I come from a polygamous family. It is all in God’s hands.
How did coming from a polygamous home affect your life when growing up?
Although my father had many wives and children, i didn’t live with my parents. Growing up, i stayed with my uncles and aunties. I stayed in a boarding house at school and i was always away from home most times. The attention of my father was divided. I never enjoyed the company of my father and didn’t even feel his impact on my education. It was like i grew up on my own. Most times, i feel like a stranger trying to meet some expectations of family members but my mum was so particular about our education. She worked hard to educate us, i appreciate her for that.
Another impact of polygamy was that i had the opportunity to start thinking of having my own home on time. I read a lot of books on marriage and told myself i want to be a good husband and be the best man any woman would have as a husband. Maybe that’s why i married on time, i just want to be a different man from what my father was.
What attracted you to your wife?
The way she laughs. I remember it was September 30th 2007 at Global Impact Church, Surulere that i met her for the first time. I was invited to perform and when i loked across the hall, there was this lady laughing her heart out and very jovial too. That caught my attention. She was genuinely happy, calm and excited too. I saw all that before i went on stage to perform. I was leaving with my friend, Emeka Smith a comedian when the same lady walked up to me and said ‘i love your confidence on stage’. I am just seeing you for the first time and your confidence is out of this world’. I thanked her and we exchanged numbers. Fortunately for me, she was waiting for a cab with her friend like i was, so i got a cab that took us all. We just clicked. It was a match made in heaven.
You talk passionately about your wife and marriage, what do you have to say to single men who have the means but are not ready to settle down?
They have to read their bibles very well because God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind. They are actually timid about it because it is one step men are always careful about. I remember my elder brother told me ‘when you marry the wrong woman, you will never make heaven.’ That is something i held unto because if you marry the wrong person, you will experience hell on earth.
That i love my wife doesn’t mean we don’t have misunderstandings, it means we resolve them as soon as they come and move on. Because i am very passionate about my wife, little issues that i have with her affects my mood when i work. It takes me more time to come up with jokes at those times and because of that, i make sure we put aside our differences before i go out to work. Single men should pray to God for direction and also be bold to take the step. It is very important that a man settles down.
What is your secret to a lasting marital relationship?
It is a triangular thing. It takes God, the man and the woman to build a lasting relationship. Marriage is a relationship between you and your wife with God at the top of the triangle. When you put God ahead of you and learn to love each other, your marriage will last. There is nowhere it is written that marriage will be either sweet or bitter, but it is your choice that makes it work. If you choose happiness, you will work towards a happy home. If you choose to make it sad, bitter and sour, you will indirectly work towards it and that is what you will get.
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I love and admire this woman. Why? Because she has fought through several odds, struggles of life, loneliness, poverty, rejection, discrimination, gender abuse and so on. Yet, she came out of it all a very strong and successful woman. She is on […]
I love and admire this woman. Why? Because she has fought through several odds, struggles of life, loneliness, poverty, rejection, discrimination, gender abuse and so on. Yet, she came out of it all a very strong and successful woman. She is on the number one list in my hall of fame. Her books help to know the struggles of being both an African woman and a Nigerian mother. Her resilience and strength of character has forged me ahead and when i almost gave up on my abilities, her autobiography, HEAD ABOVE WATER helped me to make new decisions. I got encouraged to continue writing when I read her story because i discovered it could earn me a place in the world just like her. Her enviable record and giant strides are boldly printed on the sands of time.
I love to write, i am happy when i write, it gives me great joy just to write and i am humbled by the fact that several writers ahead of me are ruling the world with the strength of their pen because the pen is mightier than the sword. How i love Cyprian Ekwensi, Chinua Achebe, Flora Nwapa, Ngugi Wa T’hiongo all of the African Writers Series. I was privileged to read their books in primary and secondary school. Not also neglecting my favourite foreign author, ENID BLYTON [the secret seven, the adventurous four etc]. Those books thrilled me to no end. My favourite xtian authors Francine Rivers [i can’t forget her book REDEEMING LOVE] and Karen Kingsbury are also great fiction writers having won several awards in the United States.
Someone said if you want to hide something from a black man, put it in a book. It is very likely that a black man would never find out. A lot of talent shows in Nigeria about music, dancing and the likes are ongoing but none about reading. Our libraries are poorly stocked with outdated books.
‘Buchi Emecheta’s JOYS OF MOTHERHOOD talks about the pain of the African woman, her hope in her children, her struggles and sacrifices and how a mother is let down by the child. How i love this book. I have read it twice in my life [secondary school and after university]. I have read four of her books viz head above water, joys of motherhood, the slave girl, in the ditch.
Dr. Buchi Emecheta (born 21 July, 1944, in Nigeria) is an African novelist who has published over 20 books, including Second-Class Citizen (1974), The Bride Price (1976), The Slave Girl (1977) and The Joys of Motherhood (1979). Her themes of child slavery, motherhood, female independence and freedom through education have won her considerable critical acclaim and honours, including an Order of the British Empire in 2005. Emecheta once described her stories as “stories of the world…[where]… women face the universal problems of poverty and oppression, and the longer they stay, no matter where they have come from originally, the more the problems become identical.”
(Florence Onye) Buchi Emecheta was born on 21 July 1944, in Lagos to Igbo parents, Alice (Okwuekwuhe) Emecheta and Jeremy Nwabudinke. Her father was a railway worker in the 1940s. Due to the gender bias of the time, the young Buchi Emecheta was initially kept at home while her younger brother was sent to school; but after persuading her parents to consider the benefits of her education, she spent her early childhood at an all-girl’s missionary school. Her father died when she was nine years old. A year later, Emecheta received a full scholarship to the Methodist Girls School, where she remained until the age of sixteen when she married Sylvester Onwordi, a student to whom she had been engaged since she was eleven years old.
Onwordi immediately moved to London to attend university and Emecheta joined him in 1962. She gave birth to five children in six years. She had two children in Nigeria before she left and got pregnant the third time. When it was time to give birth, her husband did not follow her to the hospital so she went on her own and had her baby. On the day she was to leave the hospital, she called her husband to come pick her but he didn’t pick the call. So she called a cab and went home with her new born baby. On getting to the apartment she rented with her money, she met her husband in bed with a white woman, their next door neighbour. She bursted into tears. It was an unhappy and sometimes violent marriage (as chronicled in her autobiographical writings such as Second-Class Citizen).
To keep her sanity, Emecheta wrote in her spare time; however, her husband was deeply suspicious of her writing, and he ultimately burned her first manuscript. Too bad. At the age of twenty-two, Emecheta left her husband and moved to her own apartment. He found out where she was staying and came to demand his conjugal right forcefully. He raped her. The birth of her fifth child was actually a rape. He refused to pay child support, she took him to court while she was heavily pregnant the fifth time and he denied paternity of the children. The London Court set him free. While working to support her five children alone, she earned a BSc degree in Sociology at the University of London.
In the Ditch, published in 1972, tells the story of Emecheta’s life after she leaves her husband and is living on her own with her children in a poor ghetto area. She supports her children by working in a library at the British Museum. In the Ditch chronicles Emecheta’s life in the personage of the main character, Adah. Adah is forced to live in an housing estate set aside for problem families. This estate is known as Pussy Cat Mansions and it is a place filled with women. Adah can not identify with the women of Pussy Cat Mansions and her dignity is wounded because of the charity she is forced to accept. The main focus of the novel is on the importance of initiative and determination, for these are the only tools which help Adah get out to the ditch.
In Emecheta’s second novel, Second Class Citizen, Adah is being denied a Western education because she is a girl. This novel again characterizes Adah as having the initiative and determination to get what she wants – the Western education being denied to her. The basic theme of Second Class Citizen is one of vehement animosity at the gender discrimination that is often found in the culture of her people. Adah is also encumbered because of the gender discrimination that is the foundation of her marriage. Her husband, Francis, treats her as property. Adah is forced to support the family and is responsible for the children. In the meanwhile, Francis goes to school, studies, and continuously fails exams. Adah is in constant battle to try to preserve her womanhood, and when she finally leaves Francis she experiences a strong sense of relief. After leaving Francis, Adah has moments of loneliness and despair but in the end she comes out triumphant because of her willpower.
One of Emecheta’s finest novels, The Joys of Motherhood, is set in a time of great political and economic change for Nigeria. It is in this novel that Emecheta’s main character defines validity of her womanhood solely by the success of her children. The chapter titles, “The Mother,” “The Mother’s Mother,” “The Mother’s Early Life,” “First Shock of Motherhood,” etc., follow the highs and lows of the heroine, Nnu Ego’s, destiny. Nnu Ego’s whole destiny is centered around her as a mother. Nnu Ego places all her hope for happiness and prosperity in her children, yet she is constantly disappointed. As a result, Nnu Ego finds no joy in her grown children.
Emecheta’s 1986 novel, Head Above Water, continues to describe her struggle to raise her family all alone. Adah finds jobs to support her family, gains a degree in sociology, and still manages to find time to write. Head Above Water looks at the social conditions of blacks in London and it shows Emecheta’s progression as a novelist. The novel ends with two monumental accomplishments – the purchase of her own house and her becoming a full-time writer.
The Bride Price, 1976
The Slave Girl, 1977
Titch the Cat, 1979
Nowhere to Play, 1980
The Moonlight Bride, 1980
The Wrestling Match, 1980
On Our Freedom, 1981
Destination Biafra, 1982
Naira Power, 1982
Double Yoke, 1982
The Rape of Shavi, 1983
Adah’s Story, 1983
A Kind of Marriage, 1986
Family Bargain, 1987
You can be whatever you want to be if you set your mind to it. You have no excuse not to make it in life. This is a story of hope, tenacity, resilience, hardwork and faith in God. Whatever you have in your hand, therein lies your seed [of greatness], water it, watch it germinate and let it blossom. It will earn you a place in the hall of fame. Buchi still lives in abroad, she has travelled far and wide.
From 1965 to 1969, Emecheta worked as a library officer for the British Museum in London. From 1969 to 1976 she was a youth worker and sociologist for the Inner London Education Authority, and from 1976 to 1978 she was a community worker.
Following her success as an author, Buchi Emecheta has travelled widely as a visiting professor and lecturer. From 1972 to 1979 she visited several American universities, including Pennsylvania State University, Rutgers University, the University of California, Los Angeles, and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.
From 1980 to 1981, she was senior resident fellow and visiting professor of English, University of Calabar, Nigeria. In 1982 she lectured at Yale University, and the University of London, as well as holding a fellowship at the University of London in 1986.
From 1982 to 1983 Buchi Emecheta, together with her journalist son Sylvester, ran the Ogwugwu Afor Publishing Company.
B.Sc. (Honours), University of London, 1972.
New Statesman Jock Campbell Award for The Slave Girl, 1979.
British Home Secretary’s Advisory Council on Race, 1979.
Arts Council of Great Britain – 1982-3.
One of Granta’s “Best of the Young British Novelists”, 1983.
PhD, University of London, 1991.
Who’s Who in Anioma, 2011
Who’s Who in Ibusa, 2011
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Hugs n kisses
Olasiyan Olanike Yetunde
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