I steal meat from my own pot of soup. My mother ingrained it in me to always eat with one meat. She’d even take one meat and cut into two for two of us. She stopped this habit when I got into […]
- I steal meat from my own pot of soup. My mother ingrained it in me to always eat with one meat. She’d even take one meat and cut into two for two of us. She stopped this habit when I got into uni. Now, I see it as a great sin against humanity to eat with more than a piece of meat. So, rather than have two pieces on my food, I will take one. Then tiptoe to my own kitchen like a thief and steal one under a very guilty conscience. If I decide to wash plate, I will put my hands and steal another one. If the temptation arises again just as I’m done washing plates, I will take a step towards the pot again. Suddenly, I will feel my mother turning in her grave. I will feel angel Gabriel deleting my name from the book of life, then I will do a u turn and repent.
- I hate to call. This is a post traumatic disorder for me. I wasn’t always like this. Every call sets me into panic mode. I’m like “who died again?”. Since I received so many bad news via calls over time, I became averse to talking on phone. I suffered a chronic withdrawal from everything and everyone and fed on my silence.
- When I make up my mind about a matter, that case is closed. It takes only God to change my mind. The rigidity of my heart scares even me. If I do not like something or someone, there’s no chance on earth that I ever will. If I get fed up with a situation, I’m walking out of it.
It’s just that I have zero tolerance for shits so if something is not going my way, I get easily fed up.
- I am too attached to myself, my books and my space so much that I don’t care if there’s no one around me.
- I am kind of lazy. I’d rather eat coco pops than cook a great meal.
- I hate to share the things that matter to me. Those things that matter to me in life so much are chocolates, Tito yoghurt, roasted corn and plantain chips. I hide in my office to eat these things so that I will not give anybody😁🙈
Add yours please.
Last night, armed robbers visited our quarters. I woke up around 2am to pee. I got back to bed and heard a gunshot, then voices and shouts. I panicked. Sleep fled from my eyes. I heard their footsteps as they ran through […]
Last night, armed robbers visited our quarters. I woke up around 2am to pee. I got back to bed and heard a gunshot, then voices and shouts. I panicked. Sleep fled from my eyes. I heard their footsteps as they ran through the river that runs through the front of my fence. I slept barely before 12am and from 2am, I was awake till dawn. They successfully robbed all the houses just directly opposite our block of flats.
Subsequently, all of us were summoned to a community meeting by 10am. That ibo landlord/chairman was there. And a lot of residents.
Ibo landlord said he was prepared so he brought out his long double barrel gun(My first time of seeing one) and a fierce looking dog that looks like a lion. Mr Banji never showed me a gun neither did he bring one home till he retired from the police. He could have brought it and hidden it though.
They said that every man should go to the market and get a cutlass before night. Women should get whistles. We shouldn’t come out but we should shout thief and blow whistles. The men are going to be vigilantes till the end of the lockdown. All men are coming out by 10pm tonight and will patrol till dawn.
I am so proud of all those men. They said they were ready to start this night. See why I can never claim equality with a man. Me that my eye was already turning when I heard cutlass. I’m even happy that Chief landlord has a gun that’s loaded.
And this reminds me of….
The Estate Gate At Warewa
One time like that, armed robbers gained entance into our ‘secured estate’ (or so we thought) at Warewa. They injured a man, a respected landlord within the estate.
The news went round the next morning. So I went to Ibafo Police station to tell my uncle. He said”Should I deploy our police patrol vehicle with some of my boys to start parading at night within your estate? They will drive round, blow their siren and come towards your gate”
Instead of being happy, I was alarmed.
Why will he send an entire police patrol team to my area because I live there?
“No sir. It will die down. I don’t want police coming to the estate because of me”
Who am I again?
He left the matter like that. The armed robbery didn’t take place again. The estate committee beefed up their security.
**TODAY, I’D GIVE ANYTHING TO HAVE MY UNCLE OR ANYONE ASK ME THAT QUESTION AGAIN AND I’D SAY YES. HE’S EVEN FARAWAY IN OGUN STATE RIGHT NOW.
Another time when I was living with a friend at ketu, thieves entered our one room apartment while we were all sleeping. We were four girls. Only one person paid for the room, one was the younger sister and two of us were squatters.
My friend who owned the room slept naked with just a wrapper covering her. And you know how wrappers can fly away during a beautiful sleep after jumping buses from obalende to ketu alapere
I slept close to the door. Since it was heat period in Lagos and we were four girls managing a small room, we only shut the net door with a bolt. The main door was open because we needed fresh air. We often slept like this and nothing happened. The thief only needed to tear the net and unlock the bolt to gain entry. And I was the first person by the entrance. The room was so small that after putting down the mattress on the floor, there was no space again. Our bags were arranged close to our head. Our feet touched the bare floor because even the bed was small for all four of us. But we all lived happily since we only all met at home to sleep at night. Dinner was the only food we ate together. No breakfast for me because I used to leave home by 5am. My resumption time was 7am.
My Bible was by my head and my Nokia phone was placed on it. I used to help my friend sell recharge cards at my office because I saw that her business was not moving at home. My office was SCOA MOTORS that had SCOA FOODS as a subsidiary located at Five Star bustop, Oshodi-Isolo expressway. My friend’s cousin(the 2nd squatter) was a corper at STB McCann. My friend’s sister was a secondary school student within ketu.I had just given her about 7,000naira that night, the proceeds from her recharge card. I was really selling out big at the office.
So thief(abi na thieves) entered, carted away her 7k, her phone, her cousin’s money too and we didn’t wake up the whole damn time. We all probably slept like logs of wood.
She stirred after the thief completed his/their mission. She saw someone leave our room then she shouted ole!!!! We woke up and she started shouting. Our neighbors woke and started looking for him. We all came out. He had gone.
We rushed back in to check things. My phone which was more visible was still sitting pretty on my Bible where I kept it. I checked my bag. I had another 7k inside-the wages of my colleague, Nimat who didn’t come to the office that day and because they paid cash, she asked me to collect on her behalf. But I put that money in the inner pocket of my bag. You’d open my bag and not find the money there if you are not a thorough thief like Anini or Shina Rambo. Thankfully, this thief wasn’t thorough bred so money was intact.
Sadly it wasn’t the situation with my roommates. They had losses. Thief took the 7k I gave her before going to bed. The issue rattled all of us. Moreso
I went to ketu police station in the morning. I went to see my brother. When I told him about the robbery, he followed me back home to assess the scene whether they could make an arrest.
He was even shocked that four of us were living in a small room at Alapere. So he told Dad. He said “why would she be living with a friend in Ketu when I have an apartment at Ikorodu?”
Truly, I had been in Ketu for a month or so and never looked for him until the robbery incidence. He told me the area was notorious with armed robbery and that they had carried out raids in that area before.
I had no choice than to visit him the next weekend as per one good turn deserves another. Dude lived in a mini flat at Agric Ogolonto. His fiance was away in UK. His house was so much comfortable. Infact it was like a palace compared to where I was coming from.
I spent a whole weekend and returned to work on Monday. Going to Oshodi-Isolo from ikorodu was no small feat. I had to be out of his house by 4am. But that was the last time I ever went. Ketu was closer to the office.
IF ONLY I STILL HAD A BROTHER, SHEBI I WOULD HAVE GONE TO THE STATION TODAY.
Another time like that, we kids were still in secondary school, our parents travelled to Apomu in Osun state for an occasion. Thieves raided the entire compound of four bedroom flat each.
I didn’t know that anything was happening. I was asleep on the bed but I saw flashes of light on my face. It was he thief’s torch from outside the window. I discovered that others were no longer in the room with me. I stood up and met everybody at the sitting room huddled together, whispering in low tones, bemoaning the gate that was to befall us. I was angry that nobody woke me. I felt chills run down my spine. What if he had shot me on the bed from outside?
We started running from bedroom to toilet to kitchen. They asked us to open the door but we refused. We were eight in the house.
They kept telling us to open the door else they’d break our head with their gun.
One of us began to cry. Others signalled at her to keep quiet but she o my wailed louder.
She knelt down in the sitting room and began to converse with the thieves who were looking at us from the window.
“Please, don’t enter our house. Our daddy and mummy are not at home”
“Okay, don’t worry. We are not coming to your house again”
We thought it was a joke.
But we heard them turning things&issuing threats in our neighbor’s apartment upstairs and the one beside us, their muffled cries and the sound of their doors.
They raided the entire three flats and came to tell us they were leaving. From the window.
That was how they left. Our neighbors came to knock. We didn’t open till they called our names. All of us rushed out. We learnt that our neighbors gladly opened the doors by themselves and the thieves carted away their property.
It was only God that saved us. Adults opened their doors willingly. But we kids refused. I don’t know the kind of liver we had. Our parents came the next day and they were thanking God.
So, no be today. May God keep us all tonight. I have even padlocked my door.
I opened my gate to go buy light saving bulbs after one week of permanent self imposed house arrest. I’m just recovering from malaria/typhoid too. As I was going, I decided to branch at the bakery to see what they were doing […]
I opened my gate to go buy light saving bulbs after one week of permanent self imposed house arrest. I’m just recovering from malaria/typhoid too.
As I was going, I decided to branch at the bakery to see what they were doing there. I walked past where I was supposed to buy bulbs.
I got to the bakery(trekking distance from my house) and saw this really hot bread. I bought two instead of one. Obviously, money was not enough to buy energy saving bulbs again so I bought the yellow bulb on my way back.
By the way, there are a lot of mango trees in my quarters. I won’t be ashamed to go and climb a mango tree when next I’m bored.
When I got to my gate, I saw two of my neighbors. Two cute guys-one yellow, one black. Nice human beings.
The tall one is the yellow pawpaw. The short one is the black one whose building is directly beside mine. All four houses including mine are for sole occupants.
The yellow one had an electrical issue sometimes last week so they both came to knock my gate. They can only access the electrical fault at the backyard if they go in through my gate. I can’t really explain this but that’s the way the houses are.
I opened for them after keeping them waiting for sometime. You see, I’ve been living in Eden.
They moved to the backyard and I followed them. They gave me some timely security advice as regards my backyard fence. They gave me useful information about the environment and I was glad. The black one also told me about water board and water bills. I was seeing and speaking with them for the first time.
So I promised to get the black one’s number. I told him I’d knock his gate but immediately I said it, my spirit confirmed to me that I was lying. I knew I’d never go to his gate.
So I didn’t see them again till yesterday morning. Then I walked up to them and asked for their digits. They easily obliged me and got mine too.
Just as I was going back inside, I remembered the bulb. I needed a tall person to help me fix it on the wall outside. So I went back to tell the tall one to help. He agreed and followed me. You see, I was once asked on live radio at ibadan two years ago “are you a feminist?”
The question took me off balance and I couldn’t answer it well. I am not a feminist but I’m a feminist. I belong to everybody and I belong to nobody.
I’m not a feminist because I won’t ever be caught dragging generator when a man can easily do that for me. I don’t believe in equality but I believe in equity(fairness and justice, equal opportunities). I’m not equal to a man but I have the same rights as a man because we are both human beings. He created them male and female. I can’t do all the things that a man can do. A man can’t also do the things I can do effortlessly.
I am a feminist if the Nigerian brand of feminism agrees that there are gender roles that make us different but we should strive for a society where men and women are treated equally. Where women are not looked down upon because of their gender. Where women can inherit from their father even as females. Where women can be bosses and a man can work under them just because a lot of women are more qualified and brainy than men.
What am I saying? In essence, I can’t be stressing myself fixing bulbs on a wall when there’s a muscled tall man that can easily do that for me. That’s common sense
I still don’t use my gen because I can’t drag it. My former neighbors didn’t even know I had a gen until the day they came to help me move my things. It’s a man’s work please
And a kitchen is a man and a woman’s workstation. Osiso.
So, yellow guy fixed the bulb for me and left but I heard another man’s voice from outside
“Na there you dey leave?”
The human was talking to yellow guy but I didn’t hear his response clearly. This human now said
“Call her now. Tell her to come”.
So I went out and saw this half naked old man with a big pot belly. He had on only a knicker without shirt. His protuded belly was visible. As I was walking towards them, I heard
“Na this one? This one is just a child. Na she dey live here?”
“How can you even talk like that?Na this one? Is that how to address a person? That was so condescending” I said to the rude man.
“Yaaay, oyinbo don finish. I didn’t mean to insult you. It’s not an insult. But you are a child”
“I will take an exception to that. Can you call this woman a child?” I pointed at a middle aged woman who was sitting and carefully observing the proceedings too.
Pot belly man began to stammer. “Well, all of you na the same thing. If to say you tie wrapper for chest, I go know say na madam you be. But these days that all of you women are dressing funky funky and we don’t know who is who”
I shook my head at his sheer ignorance. I looked him over as he regaled us with tales of how he’s the first landlord, how he has a gun, how we should be having meetings because of the security situation, how he has an hotel in town, how he gets home 1am-2am.
You get gun, you get hotel, mschewww!
Somebody’s father o. How does he talk to his wife? Let me respect his age and leave him, I thought. So I walked out.
“I’m not yet through o”
Twenty minutes later, the yellow neighbor messaged me “pls don’t take what he said to heart. Igbo men are always so rude. They don’t know how to talk. Splendid day ahead”
I was gobsmacked.
And I was thinking yellow guy was Ibo all along. So what tribe is he? I still don’t know.
I responded and thanked him. Told him I’d not be attending any meeting chaired by a patriarchal man, a narcissist.
I forgot about the incident.
At night, I missed black neighbor’s call because I was on call with my friend in US.
I was surprised so I called back.
Dude started to apologise to me o. Saying I should not mind old man. That Ibo men don’t know how to talk to people. That he even tried to call me some minutes after the incident but my number was busy.
See me grinning from ear to ear. Both of them finished ibo men. Well it felt good coming from men. I’ve now totally forgiven the man on their behalf
I just remembered that Jonathan Eze is an ibo man too. I didn’t know all these years. I thought he was from Delta since he schooled in Abraka(Delsu). Until this year when he told me “I’m from Enugu o. Nsukka gan gan.
I opened my mouth and couldn’t close it. Jonathan was born in Ogun state, lived most of his life in Lagos. He even speaks Egba, that adulterated yoruba language of the west that you cannot understand even as a yoruba person. He speaks clear yoruba even better than me. The day I heard him speak Egba, I opened my eyes wide. His dad was a renowned medical doctor in ogun state and well known among the locals. Jonathan Eze went to school but hear what he told me while we were at Compass after I told him I gained admission to unilag.
“Iwo omo Yi, what do you need a Masters for? You are too ambitious. Men don’t like ambitious women.
Yet again,I am down with malaria feverBut I won’t be going to the hospital again to get tested for pregnancyOr Covid 19😀I had a visitor todaySomeone whose book I’m working onShe’s the only visitor I’ve had consistentlyBecause I’m working on her soon […]
I am down with malaria fever
But I won’t be going to the hospital again to get tested for pregnancy
Or Covid 19😀
I had a visitor today
Someone whose book I’m working on
She’s the only visitor I’ve had consistently
Because I’m working on her soon to be released/published book
And I’m going to help her with a live Twitter chat this week(she’s a public personality)
She’s got malaria too. So she promised to send her brother who drives her to bring me drugs tomorrow.
Whenever she parks her Corolla in front of my gate and I go out to meet her, my male neighbors are stretching their necks to catch a glimpse of their mysterious neighbor.
I wink at them and say good afternoon. They all reply in unison.
Today, she opened her car door and brought out a pack of INDOMIE
And bread. How did she know I’ve been craving toast bread for the past two days?
My account has been on lockdown that I cannot afford to buy either bread or drugs.
The day that Mr N came to my house, it was late evening. Mr N works in my office and he was my dad’s assistant. I had to still enter his car to show him out of my street.
My neighbors saw him too, with his car parked in front of my gate. The new one he just added to his fleet. He greeted them. They responded.
They now know they will see me outside in this Coro period only when there’s a car in front of my gate.😀
It brought back a memory to me. Of my landlady in Lagos who told me after I paid the rent
“I don’t want to be seeing cars in front of my gate. The day I notice that different cars are coming to drop or pick you, I will refund your money😁.”
House wey no even get parking space😁😂
That was pretty insultive. I told mum. Mum told Dad. He was livid.
“The house that you’ve not even moved into and they are giving you conditions like that? It’s not a good house in my opinion. You should look for another one”
“Dad, I don’t have much time. I’ve paid already. I can’t look for another house. I will stay there”
My uncle whose office was at Ibafo had driven me to Arepo-Journalist’s Estate to find a house. We checked two places and it was terrible. The last place we checked, it was a face me I slap you kinda house. I was to pay them to fix it. It was just one room without any flooring. The bathroom and toilet were outside. Bathroom had no door. You had to use your wrapper as a door.
Uncle said he liked the house. It was 70k. He told me to pay(or tell my dad kinda). In my mind, I said tufiakwa. Thank God for stronghead. I have one gift-I can get away with murder😁😁😁.
You can be talking in the rubbish and in the nonsense and in the thing that’s not making sense and I will be looking at you so calmly you’d think you’ve scored a point. You’d even mistake me for an obedient shaild. I do not pick guns to fight my battles. I only fight in my head and with my decisions.
So, I looked like I was going to take the house, but I got back to work the next day, wore my corper uniform, went to the very beautiful Opic estate at Warewa and got myself a very decent newly built self con where I was the first occupant. I paid 100k. Dad only helped with 30k out of it.
I was well aware that my landlady was a very tough woman. But I was very confident that I’d never get into trouble with her. She’d never even see me.
I visited my uncle at Ibafo Police Station and told him I got a better apartment. Mum had called to tell him what the landlady said. Or maybe I told him myself. I can’t remember clearly now.
What uncle did next surprised me
He laughed so loudly that he almost fell off his chair
“You???? A landlady said that to you??? They don’t even know the kind of tenant they’ve just gotten. They will NEVER even set eyes on you. You that they will never see. They won’t even be sure that a human being is living in their house”
You know, you cant give a dog a bad name. One thing I’m grateful to God for, is that my family knows what I can do. There are certain things you will go home and report me for and they will laugh you to scorn. They will beat their chest and say “she can never do this”. If you say I abused you, they can believe you. But that I will live in a house and have issues like men(or even women) coming to see me(which isn’t a bad thing), playing loud music, picking fights? Nah. They will remove their boxers and defend me😀
Have you even seen me in my father’s house? Sometimes when my uncle visits his sister my mother, he would have arrived for an hour gisting with her before she would inform her I’m in my room as usual. My uncle lived with us as a single. He knows my habits. He knows I don’t go out. He knows I love staying indoors. He knows I hide from the world.
We were not the best of friends at that time so he wasn’t trying to be patronizing. My family understands my nature. I don’t mix, I don’t talk and I don’t put my nose into people’s business.
By the way, dude is one step from becoming a commissioner of police. He got his recent promotion last December.
Two weeks after I moved in,
Landlady went to knock my neighbor’s door(we were just two)
“Have you seen Nike? Does she sleep in this house? We’ve not set eyes on her since she moved in.”
My neighbor said
“She sleeps at home ma. I don’t see her too but I hear her movement in the mornings and evenings”
The next day, neighbor knocked my door
“Landlady asked of you. She said you should see her whenever you are around”.
So I went to their big apartment and knocked. Take note that I worked 8-6pm so I used to leave home 7.20am, take a leisurely walk out of the estate gate, go through an underground bridge and cross to my office. I was getting home 6.30pm. I had only one friend in the estate. Oris. Oris Fagbenle. A corper too and a colleague at work. She lived at the estate gate while I lived at the far end. I could stand and gist with her by the road before heading to my apartment.
“Who is it”
They unbolted the door with immediate alacrity.
“Haa Nike, bawo ni. We’ve not been seeing you. I hope you are enjoying our estate. I asked your neighbor to tell you to see me so that I’ll know how you are faring”
“Thank you ma. I’m enjoying the estate. I go to work early and return late that’s why we’ve not been seeing. And I spend my weekends at ibadan. I travel with my dad every Friday and return to work on Mondays”
“Oooh ookay. Your dad is in Lagos too?”
“Yeah, he works at ikoyi”
After some small chit chat, I went back to my small apartment and locked my door. I grinned. Landlady 0, me 100.
They watched me carefully throughout the time I spent there. And when they were convinced I was a good girl who doesn’t give a damn, they had to like me.
Landlady was a caterer and she used to kill big fat cows and cook different meals in the compound. You could just get home and see olopo in the compound.
So they started knocking my door to bring free food
“Nike, bring your plate and come o”
Then I’d take a small plate from my kitchen.
She’d frown. ” Don’t you have a bigger plate?”
“No ma”. I was a very picky eater in those days.
“Is it ofada you want or jollof or white or basmati? Or you want iyan/amala/semo?”
“Jollof is fine ma”
Then she’d put moin moin on top, Cole slaw, big meats etc
One year later, I was ready to leave their house. I went to tell them
“Why are you leaving now? I thought you already started working at Compass. And you told me you’ve gained admission to study for your masters at unilag”
“UK is calling my name ma. I’m going to ibadan to await my destiny ma😂😁😂
“Oh that’s very good”
Dad came early on Saturday morning with kidbrother to pack my things
They were seeing dad for the very first time.
Come and see my report card-I overheard him congratulating dad for raising a good shaild(after having bad thoughts about me initially-olosho things probably). Landlord was having a tete-a-tete with my dad while I was packing load. They exchanged numbers.
Landlord came and prayed for me. They waved at me as we drove out.
All their boys came out to bid me farewell.
After I left, landlady called mum. “How is Nike? She hasn’t been calling us o. Hope she’s fine”😂😂
We became Chum Chum.
Dad got home, saw uncle and began to raise his shoulders. He never discussed what landlord told him with me. I just saw that he was buying me plenty things on the road and was very happy. He’d say “Yetunde, would you like to eat corn? Should I stop and buy you corn?”😂😂
He told uncle like this
“I went to pack Yetunde’s things from Lagos today. Infact, if you hear what the landlord told me about her, I was impressed. He said she surpassed their expectations. No male visitor(😂😂😂for her mind), no wahala, very peaceful geh, easygoing, properly raised, good hometraining….as in, my report card was so impressive that my daddy’s head was swelling.
My dad had a lot of head swelling moments because of me many times. That’s one of the things I’m grateful to God for. That’s why the one moment I fucked up, he stood by me. He helped me to own the shit. He didn’t even reprimand me. We went through the shit together. Mr Banji of life. God punish that girl that was cooking Indomie for him, osiso.
I stayed with a girl in my 500l in school. She had a boyfriend who smoked Igbo and drank spirit. This babe too was dramatic and weird.
Hostel manager came one day and said
“You are the one living with this girl? Double twale for you”
Some hostel mates would draw me back and say in bewilderment
“You are this girl’s roommate? How you dey do am?”
Truly, apart from babe’s weirdness, her boyfriend used to come and knock our door by 11pm or 12am after getting drunk. He’d threaten to break it if we refuse to open.
A friend who had graduated and was visiting was with me when this happened. She nearly lost her mind. It was as if the door would break. I had to call for help. Thank God for phones. I guess I called the manager.
I lived with that babe for one year successfully. I’m weird too. People were scared to live with me because I’d not talk, i’d be moody sometimes etc but that’s where mine ends.
That babe sent me a friend request on Facebook last year. I screamed when I saw her. She said she read me on bellanaija and traced me to Facebook. We are Facebook friends today.
I can live with any kind of person. So far, they know how to keep their shits together. The people I can’t live with, are the ones like my former neighbor, who has two kids for different men and can’t stop getting restless because I’m living a gedifok-out-of-my-business kind of life😂😂😂. That woman must put her life into my business. That’s what I hate.
With all the cars parking in front of my gate now, thank God I’m the sole administrator and garrison commander of this compound. How will I explain how someone who speaks on AIT and Aso Radio comes with her car to my house or how a boss who’s like a brother, a security officer in my office came to visit. How I wan explain am to a landlady or landlord ntori oloun?
One day, I will write about these things. On a larger platform. These discriminations. This- every- female- living- a -good -life -is- an- olosho mentality.
What day are we? I can’t remember days of the week again unless I check the calendar. I can’t remember how long we’ve stayed at home either I fear that I may even become another Johnbull because I’m almost forgetting how to […]
What day are we? I can’t remember days of the week again unless I check the calendar.
I can’t remember how long we’ve stayed at home either
I fear that I may even become another Johnbull because I’m almost forgetting how to even write my name.
In this COVID 19 era, electricity has been so good-23 hours of light in Nigeria. Did I ever know I’d see this day in this country?
1. Mehn, people are getting bored. But bored cannot be compared to broke. Two days ago when I went to buy bread, the road was very dry. We can only go out 3 times a week in Abuja 7am-2pm. Market will open tomorrow and I’m just sighing because the daughter of Banji cannot even go with empty hands.
2. People who have been angry with me, who have never visited me started to call. Boredom dey humble person.
Esquire was angry with me and he stopped talking to me because I said he should apply to court before I can give him the CTC of a ruling.
He called with a very humble voice ‘common CTC that I told you to give me, you refused to give me. I don’t mind driving you to the office now so that you can get it for me. I need it badly’.
What’s this one even saying? Are you a stranger in Nigeria? Drive me to the office to do what? Awusubillahi
“Wo Esquire, ko le werk. There’s an isolation centre beside my office and asides that, you think I will defy the order of my employers? You must be high on orijin fa.”
3. Mr Banji’s assistant who has never visited me called to find out where I live. He drove down and I went to pick him. He told me about the isolation centre beside our office and that we should not expect any money from the office this period . Bhet oga, drop something now. For where, he said next time. I know there will be no next time. Dude just got tired of his house and needed to just go out. We’ve been living in the same area for 4 years and he has never checked on me.
4. I finally spoke with my noble lord. He said “Yetunde, I hope you are fine. I hope you are keeping all the rules. I heard people are moving freely in your area”
“Milord, people are not moving in my area o. It is mararaba/nyanya/Karu people that are defying government’s orders. My area is very dry. There are police men on the road sef’
He said “Okay, Take good care of yourself”.
“I will, Milord”.
5. Now that money has finished, I really need to eat the humble pie and pray for Covid 19 to end.
6. My church pastor called me “hello sister, how are you. Do you still have food at home?”
Oro food ko leleyi sir. Oro owo ni alufaa.
Bhet I didn’t say that. Instead, I told him “yes sir, there’s food sir. We thank God sir.
“ok o, God will be with you o”
“eseun gan sir. Ateyin naaa”
7. After posting this, I will barely have data again. I’ve been running on data since I won’t watch TV.
8. I’ve read the entire princess trilogy(3 novels in one), Maya Angelou’s Letter to my Daughter, and I’m reading Left to Tell-the story of the Rwandan genocide.
9. I’m writing my memoir as well and I’m enjoying it.
10. What will I do with my life post Covid 19? When I drew up my budget for that post Covid era, I gasped. Life will go back to its mumbo jumbo, paying bills, running helter skelter, going to work, lectures, market, church ….barely coming up for air. Am I even ready?
How are you doing in this era? Are you bored? Care to share?
Coro Diaries, Lockdown Day 2First of all, my heartfelt prayers are with Abuja randy men whose children barely know their faces because they are never around, whose wives have moved on emotionally without them, who now have to stay locked down with […]
Coro Diaries, Lockdown Day 2
First of all, my heartfelt prayers are with Abuja randy men whose children barely know their faces because they are never around, whose wives have moved on emotionally without them, who now have to stay locked down with the same family they ignored. May the Lord help you as you all fart in each other’s faces this week and the next or beyond😂.
My sincere pity to all the extroverts, the Waka abouts who can never stay at home for 24hours at a stretch. This house arrest will soon be over, you hear?
To all the introverts, those who love their own company, welcome to a life of bliss.
- It’s just day 2 and already, 2 big loaves of sliced bread has finished. I did a panic shopping on Monday, moving around markets and grocery stores. When I got to the bakery, there were a lot of people. Thankfully, they decided to sell outside. I wanted to buy just a loaf but I did a double take when the man behind me said “give me five loaves”. I changed my mind and asked for two loaves too- sliced. That bread finished today. I hope that man and his family have finished their own five loaves too. 0-0
- I was on Google trying to find out how to preserve atarodo and tantase, even unripe plantains. I was told to soak the unripe plantains in a bucket of water so that it will not ripen. I did that already. Been snacking on plantain chips-ipekere. Sadly, out of the bunch, I have just 2 left and this is only day 2. #sighs
- The stew I made for the entire week finished today. I don’t know where I will start from tomorrow.
- I have been reading awesome books.
Nabeel Qureshi- Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus
Jean Sasson- Princess, the true life story of a Saudi princess behind the veil.
I’ve learnt so much about the oil rich Saudi men, their women, their idiosyncrasies. I read about Makkah, Medina, Egpyt, Jerusalem. Some of what I read corresponds with the course I did at ABU-area studies, that talks about the Yom Kippur War, the 1954 war, Iran War etc.
- I’m currently reading Karen Kingsbury’s Shades of Blue and I’m enjoying it.
- I’ve become nocturnal. I don’t sleep at nights again. I listen to every sound, every bird that flies and every animal that moves. Yesterday, I slept after 3am and still woke up around 8am. I was busy reading. I’m so thirsty for knowledge.
- I noticed an animal in my house. The ugliest and scariest. A wall gecko. Very big. I screamed and ran out. I thought of calling someone to help me kill it. But I remembered years ago, when a rat entered my room and I told someone who also told someone. These two somebodies came together with a stick to kill the rat. During the mortal combat, rat entered my bathroom. I ran out. They followed rat to my bathroom. I was peeping from the window then I remembered that my underwear was in the bathroom. Because of the nature of underwear, I ran away very fast. I didn’t wait for them to finish. Even when they said I could now go in, I made sure I didn’t run into them.
- My neighbors are ibo people and they like to discuss Nigeria’s politics under the tree in front of my house. Their women too are not left behind. Their voices kept drifting into my afternoon nap. There’s a big tree and river in front of my gate.
- Light has been terrible. They barely give us enough to charge our phones and then take it again.
- When you are home and you don’t have to do any laundry, it’s the best thing that can happen to you. I got a 6kg twin tub Haier Thermocool washing machine with spinning last December. It has helped me to wash all my stubborn bedsheets and curtains. I’ve hated doing laundry for long. Going to the market and cooking is another major wahala.
- I go to the market now because I am middle class. When I attain upper class, I will stop going. I lived a faux upper class life till 2017 when my sugar daddy was still alive. Mr Banji never failed to bring juice, canned drinks, bread, assorted biscuits, chocolates etc. He was even bringing soup ingredients from ibadan for me.
- But now that I’m back to middle class😂, the first evidence that I’m broke is my fridge. When you open it and see it loaded with pure water, it’s high level brokeness. But when it’s full of juice, kilishi, yoghurt and orishirishi, I’m on an upper class level. One time, I got six packs of yoghurt from ibadan. The irony- I didn’t add a single kg in those days.
- Looks like I’m going to spend this entire year vacationing. All courts in Nigeria go on recess by July and resume by September. Been seriously counting down to July until coro came. Also, Court Easter vacation starts from April 6-20 and we are sitting in other states during the remaining few days. So covid or no Covid, our last court sitting was last week and we should resume by May. Issa balling time for somebody, yo.
- Come to think of it, I just remembered that I still have an annual leave this year. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!
CORO DIARIES, LOCKDOWN DAY 3
My phone gave me a scare yesterday. It suddenly stopped working no matter what I tried. I should have posted yesterday but I mistakenly deleted everything I had written. I went to bed sad.
- I slept through an entire night since the beginning of Coro. Before I went to bed, I received a message that FG relaxed their stance on total lockdown. I thought it was fabu(a joke). So I woke up early to listen to Good Morning Nigeria on NTA. It was confirmed. I’m so relieved.
- Rain fell in my area yesterday. The weather became cool, a clear departure from the gruelling heat we’d been suffering for days. Nepa brought light all through the night till this morning.
- I’m seriously happy about this Coro vacation. I’m doing a lot of things I shelved for lack of time. I’m editing someone’s book. And I’m reading lots of interesting stuffs.
- I do not have tv subscription so I depend on my phone and NTA to know what’s going on.
- A colleague’s wife put to bed on Tuesday. A Coro baby. He posted on the WhatsApp group this morning and said he just had a baby boy and that makes the total number of his children 14😁 and that he’s still counting. He’s an hausa boy. He’s a junior staff whose salary cannot feed only him not to talk of fourteen kids.
- With what I’m seeing today, it’s like electricity has greatly improved.
- When I could not resist it, I fried the remaining plantains this morning. Nothing more to eat.
- I’ve not spoken with Milord in ages. Last time we saw on Friday, he insisted on going to sit at Yola. I told him not to go. He went. He was supposed to sit the entire week but i heard he came back the next day, Monday. I called him last night, his official line was off(it’s free to call him with my own official line). I can’t try his personal line because I do not have airtime.😳