Whenever we get to that point in church on Sunday when they say “let’s pray for Nigeria”, instantly all my antenna goes into weak mode. I suddenly begin to have zero attention. Sometimes I even sit down. I just can’t pretend. I […]
Whenever we get to that point in church on Sunday when they say “let’s pray for Nigeria”, instantly all my antenna goes into weak mode. I suddenly begin to have zero attention. Sometimes I even sit down. I just can’t pretend. I mean we pray for Nigeria in every service yet, the news headline the next minute starts screaming “CJN removed, Oby Ezekwesili chickens out of presidential race or boko Haram unleashes mayhem”. Of course, you are to continue to pray till you get result but I can’t say I have faith to hold on any longer.
I’ve been meaning to say this since. Let it be known that I said it here today. I hate Whatsapp. It’s so intrusive. I even dislike it more when old people refer to it as “wazzap” or “whatzup”.;it’s so annoyingly frustrating.
Everyone crawls into your space with “forwarded messages” especially old people. And let’s not forget those that would only remember to say ‘hi’ immediately you change your display picture. I am actually a poor chat-app user. Responding to messages is even hard work.
Who knows a more private chatting app I can install?
Today, I saw that Domino’s did a buy one get one free ice cream cake sale nationwide between yesterday and today and I was heartbroken. I missed a good opportunity. Now, valentine people will not allow us to have this kind of opportunity next month.
Speaking of Val, initially, I left that day open in the Court’s diary. I wouldn’t know why actually. But one day, Milord asked me for a date in February and I said I didn’t have any date left. He asked me to bring the diary. Lo and behold, he turned the pages and stopped at Feb 14th.
“What about this date?”
“I left it for Milord the president”, I said
“No, let’s give the learned senior.”
It was a learned senior who wanted to get an adjournment. A SAN actually.
So, imagine my amusement when Milord after saying “this case is now adjourned till 14th day of February, 2019, learned SAN said “but Milord, that day is Valentine’s day”.
Infact, I could not stifle my laughter. The whole court room erupted in laughter.
“If my Lord can graciously give me another date…”
“That’s the only date we have in February”, Milord responded
“Ok, I will take it…”, he accepted grudgingly. Each time I remember,I still laugh.
What does learned senior want to do on Val’s day that would make him reject the date given to him by the court?
I need an answer please
Everyday for the rest of my life, I will continually be grateful to God for what I thought I needed, wanted desperately but the Lord took from me without any explanation. I am not talking in terms of death here. It’s about […]
Everyday for the rest of my life, I will continually be grateful to God for what I thought I needed, wanted desperately but the Lord took from me without any explanation. I am not talking in terms of death here. It’s about living losses which seemed monumental at the time but turned out to be great blessings afterwards.
If the Lord had not been on our side…..
I thank God for choices I thought I made intelligently, with my human wisdom which looked very right at the time, not just to me but to everyone looking through my eyes but later turned catastrophic. So many nights I turned to the wall asking God why? Not knowing he definitely loves me and has a better plan ahead.
Those choices of yesteryears are now bad news, sore gists and misfits. Thank God for disappointment and failures. Thank God for broken hope.
Even if I had a crystal ball then, I couldn’t have seen what I am seeing now. I couldn’t have predicted/seen the future accurately.
God had to wait for me to grow up, to stop whining before finally showing me the missing pieces of the puzzle. Now that everything makes sense, I stand in awe of the almighty.
I was busy binding the 😈 not knowing it was God standing in my way like the camel of Balaam who refused to walk because an angel of God was blocking the way. Balaam had beaten the camel angrily for the delay until the camel spoke back at him. His eyes opened and he saw the angel standing there with a sword. The delay was to protect his life. If the camel had moved an inch, maybe the angel would have cut down Balaam from proceeding on an assignment that lacked God’s backing.
If the Lord had not allowed those errors and misdemeanors to happen to us, now may Israel say, we would have been long forgotten, carried away by the harsh Waters of this life. But we have escaped with our lives as a bird from a hunter’s nest.The snare is broken and we are free.
So before you jump to conclusions that God isn’t good, wait for the message first. There is a message in what you are going through. One day, everything will make sense perfectly. And as James Dobson said “God always makes sense even when it looks like he doesn’t make sense”.
#lessons learned in life#
At first, I felt violated and spiritually defiled. You can’t blame me that my spiritual senses were offended. I mean I was reading about oya, sango, obaluaye, death and incantations. I began to imagine Tomi putting the words in this […]
At first, I felt violated and spiritually defiled. You can’t blame me that my spiritual senses were offended. I mean I was reading about oya, sango, obaluaye, death and incantations.
I began to imagine Tomi putting the words in this book together. I asked myself “what was she thinking?”
Having grown in the abroad, how did she know so much about ancient tradition or how was it easy to have imagined all she wrote.
But I understood better after reading her profile. She’s a Harvard graduate who also studied western culture in Brazil.. After graduating Harvard University with an honors degree in English literature, she received a fellowship that allowed her to study West African mythology and culture in Salvador, Brazil.
The book was a very brilliant piece and the key word is ‘mythology’. When it ended, I began to miss the characters…zelie and inan especially. And the thought that was running through my head was that the book would make a blockbuster if turned into a movie. With what I just gleaned from her website, production is already going on and that’s good news. I will definitely be rooting for the movie and will watch it ecstatically.
When I see quality books like this, I feel cheated for not studying English or creative writing. Honestly, the pen is mightier than everything else. As a creator of art and beautiful stories, you are a god.
It’s one book I won’t forget in a hurry. Romance mixed with action, thrills, ecstasy, anticipation, magic and foreboding. It makes serious sense. How an African American can have such a brilliant home appeal still beats me. This is a personal challenge.
I am currently reading Chibundu Onuzo’s “Welcome To Lagos”. I read the reviews when it came out. It was written by a Nigerian in the diaspora as well and it’s a summation of the impasse called Nigeria. I will try not to judge her through Tomi Adeyemi’s brilliance. I will be back to do a review when I am through.
With the way I’m going, I will probably be doing a book review all year round. I plan to read so much this year. I have close to 1000books on my laptop, almost 500 on my bookshelve and another large quantity of about 300 on my phone. So it’s now everywhere you go.
Make I no lie, toke Makinwa’s on becoming got me annoyed in the end. May I never lack the courage to remain a rebel and a despiser of clueless men who are popularly known as CP(community penis). May I never take trash in the name of love and may my eyes never be blinded by emotions again in this life. Thank God she now wants to “become” but in all your becoming, have sense.
HACCP monitoring Yetunde’s Profile Yetunde Olasiyan graduated with honours in Environmental Biology from Ladoke Akintola University of Technology Ogbomoso, Oyo state. She also proceeded to the prestigious Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria for her Master’s degree in International Affairs and Diplomacy. […]
Yetunde Olasiyan graduated with honours in Environmental Biology from Ladoke Akintola University of Technology Ogbomoso, Oyo state. She also proceeded to the prestigious Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria for her Master’s degree in International Affairs and Diplomacy.
She had her first working stint as a student journalist with the Nigerian Tribune, Ibadan and NTA Ogbomoso. She later worked full-time after graduation with the defunct Nigerian Compass Newspaper as a Features/Human Angle Writer and Reporter. She wrote many beautiful pages of inspiring stories on the features desk.
She started a lifestyle blog in 2012, yetundeolasiyan.com and has since become a ghostwriter, guest blogger and content editor.
She is a contributor on the popular bellanaija.com
She was hired by the popular online site, woman.ng as a content editor
She has ghostwritten a couple of contents for fashion brands and blogs and her work has been featured across various online platforms in Nigeria.
She is the author of a fictional book “A Gift Of Dreams” which sold out at it’s first outing.
She has been invited to speak on platforms and has been featured on radio in a live programme.
Yetunde participated in a Nationwide essay competition on child labour in Nigeria tagged “The Implication Of Child Labour For The Development Of The Child” where she clinched the First Prize Position in the whole of Southwest Nigeria.
She participated in the Nigerian Deposit Insurance Corporation Essay Competition on “The Role Of Financial Institutions In Improving Public Confidence In The Nigerian Financial System” and her essay was again adjudged as the fifth best essay throughout southwest Nigeria.
She participated in a World Bank Essay Competition on Youth Migration and got a Certificate of Participation.
She was involved in the maiden edition of the Ibadan Poetry Competition held at the Olubadan’s palace where she was a runner’s up and got a Certificate of award.
Yetunde Olasiyan has worked in the food industry as an environmental biologist monitoring HACCP compliance(hazard analysis and critical control points) as well as a microbiologist carrying out microbial tests/analysis on fruit juice to ensure that the quality conforms with normal industry regulatory standard as set by SON and NAFDAC.
She has assisted in conducting interviews alongside the editor of a major Nigerian Newspaper for topnotch Nigerian professionals and bigwigs, captains of industry as a freelance Abuja based journalist.
Presently, she works as a Registrar at the fourth apex Court in Abuja, Nigeria.
She lives in Abuja, Nigeria.
Up there is my ten years challenge. My CV confuses even me. It leaves me amazed. Like, how on Earth can someone be a microbiologist, an HACCP environmental compliance officer and still be a writer in the same breath, a speaker, blogger, author and a court registrar. I swearugad, I didn’t see any of it coming apart from the writing aspect. I’ve always known that I’d end up as a writer or journalist but blogging, speaking, court????? Nah. I don’t know how I got here honestly.
I have another career that no one even knows about except for a few people who aren’t even present in my media space. That career is the most shocking and surprising one.
The last conversation I had with my dad 24hours before his demise when he had called me up to nine times before I responded, he had quizzed me as follows
“But I’ve been calling you”
“Yes sir. I am in so so place”
*But you normally pick my call while there”
“Well, I was on the platform”
“Doing what?”, He asked
“I was .. …..”
And he laughed and laughed and laughed before saying in Yoruba
“Is that what you are doing now?”
I was embarrassed.
That’s the most shocking of all I do. The thing dey shock even me wey dey do am.
You may see me on your TV screen or youtube online in few years. Don’t open your mouth in bewilderment too much. E shock me too.
One thing I know is that I cannot be boxed into a corner. I am a woman of many parts and I appreciate all the gifts that God has embedded in me.
Ten years ago, I was in Lagos in a food industry carrying out microbial analysis. Today, I am in the wig and gown industry wearing black and white and attending to Milord as a minister in the temple of Justice.
Do you wonder why I always say Milord is the kindest judge I’ve ever met? Okay.. I discovered to my chagrin that Milord has been seeing every of our actions under the table each time we put booli, epa, […]
Do you wonder why I always say Milord is the kindest judge I’ve ever met?
I discovered to my chagrin that Milord has been seeing every of our actions under the table each time we put booli, epa, biscuit or sweet in our mouth or we bend our neck under the table to stuff some bread before coming up for breath. Sometimes, me and my right hand colleague will be whispering in low tones and Milord has been seeing everything.
How did I know?
One day, a colleague entered his Chambers while I was there and said
“Milord, please, I want to go home. I’m going to church”
What Milord said next stopped me in my tracks
“You?? You that come to work very late, you still want to leave early(meanwhile it was 4.45pm but we were all working late on that day because of a trending matter that was heating up the polity)
I was shocked.
Now, this lady comes to work sometimes when Milord is already sitting(which is late anyways). She would come in quietly and look for a place to sit. I sight her everytime because of course, I sit directly in front of Milord in the courtroom.
But Milord I assumed, would be reading his ruling or writing in his file not knowing he has been seeing her.
Another day, a learned counsel had wanted a certain date for adjournment and he suggested it. I was just shaking my head unconsciously to indicate that it wasn’t convenient for the court. And I was waiting for milord to call me before responding.
Alas, I was shocked when he told counsel that “my registrar says it’s not convenient”. Without us talking fa. So he was even reading my body language (my back was turned to him). My colleague exchanged glances with me. Both of us were shocked.
So if Milord can see my body expressions from up, see those who come late, it means he also sees me(that sit directly in front of him on a lower platform)when I hide under the table to eat booli😁
The other day, I had just put a fresh booli in my mouth when he said “Yetunde give me date”
Omo mehn, fear catch me. I caught my colleague laughing at me.
I stood up hesitantly and answered through gritted teeth. I was so ashamed of myself😀. I dared not open my mouth too much lest the epa fly out.
We eat under the desk because our sittings are usually long. You can’t eat in the morning because counsels are already waiting for you in the courtroom. We hardly go on recess as well. So wetin man pikin go do? Starve from morning till 4pm? Na die be that.
I like Milord, alot.
I am so tired. I am just tired. I am so stressed. Whew!! I was dreading resumption but I actually rested so well and I thought I’d be fine. Work has resumed just in one week and I’m […]
I am so tired.
I am just tired.
I am so stressed. Whew!!
I was dreading resumption but I actually rested so well and I thought I’d be fine.
Work has resumed just in one week and I’m already tired. What about the 352 remaining days of the year?
Monday- I was at work, heading the court, holding forth for my colleague but we had no sitting till the next day. However, I still had so much to do in preparation for next day’s sitting.
Most of the reactions I got as regards my look were surprisingly pleasant. Especially from the men. Even the females, they were very generous and sensible with their comments.
I saw Milord. He relaxed back in his chair when I entered his office and smiled brightly.
“Yetunde how are you? How was the Xmas and new year celebration?”
Court was in session. I had to head the court….as usual. I was having serious stomach pains. I took Panadol in dosages which calmed me a bit.
We didn’t rise till almost 4pm…since morning fa.
I discovered that iya onibooli had also resumed.
No sitting but I had spillover work from Tuesday sitting. Lots of files to work on. I didn’t even know when time passed. I was practically alone in court. My other colleagues had errands. One had to close early as a nursing mother.
I was suffering from sleep deprivation. I decided to sleep in. So I called a learned friend to pick me before 8am. I figured I’d be in court before 8.30 at least. However, we were still navigating Secretariat traffic by then. Head of litigation’s call came in. I died. Literally. Then I picked. He said the learned brothers couldn’t enter the courtroom. Where was I? Toor. I apologized.
By the time I was dropped at the gate, I didn’t bother about signing in as I ran past everyone straight inside the courtroom.
Then I went to see Milord.
We rose late as usual. I didn’t have anything to eat. I was tired and fagged out.
Loads of work. Milord was giving me some work to do. Judgements and rulings. Then he went to the mosque and I was supposed to get other rulings from him.
My colleagues left. I was left alone. He didn’t come back.
My other Lord was around and they were in a meeting.
Las Las I sent a message to Milord by 4pm that I was leaving.
I left to join the bus.
I hurriedly left for suleja in Niger state. The rest of the morning was spent touring the market side. Today was my first time at the popular market. I was tired and hungry. It was almost 4pm before I got back. What I initially thought to be a quick outing turned out to be me spending almost the entire day there.
I rushed to cook a meal. Rushed out to barb my hair. Hair was growing out so fast. Had to trim it. Got some texturizers to make it sassy and curly.
Couldn’t even have a bath after the cut. Laid sprawled out on the bed typing this. I need a lot of sleep but sleep just eluded me now. Thinking of dead people instead. An habitual ritual before almost every bedtime.
I called church. Please send someone to do my work tomorrow.
Ain’t stepping out tomorrow.
I need sometime to get my acts together.
PS. I am currently reading Tomi Adeyemi’s “Children of Blood and Bone”- my fourth read this year.
I read Too Makinwa’s “On Becoming” and I got angry at the tail end. I wondered why a woman would allow herself to be subjected to such ridicule and shame in the name of keeping a man.
I got angry that she took him back many times over when she could have walked away honourably.
In fact, I am still angry. No one should go through such in the hands of a man.
Smart Money Woman by Arese Ugwu made all the sense into he world. I’m glad that the book is being adaped I to a TV series now.
Buchi Emecheta’s “The Bride Price” was a great read but not as compelling as the other titles of hers. I enjoyed the book and it showed the elements of patriarchy and why women would be continually seen as a doormat. They are bought into matrimony. Culture and tradition doesn’t leave many women with any chance at living their dreams or even marrying their choice.