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I Went To ShopRite!!!
About last month, God gifted me some shopping vouchers to use at any outlet of ShopRite😀😀. I decided to go to Apo because of the proximity. So I jumped into the Kia picanto driven by M. M is one of the office […]
About last month, God gifted me some shopping vouchers to use at any outlet of ShopRite😀😀. I decided to go to Apo because of the proximity. So I jumped into the Kia picanto driven by M. M is one of the office drivers. M was kind enough to drop me where I would get a ride to Apo and even paid the driver. He promised to drive down and pick me after. Of course, I didn’t tell him it was shopping I was going for. He didn’t ask either. But he was going to asokoro and couldn’t wait. So I bade him bye.
It was almost four and I was in a mad rush. So I swooped on everything that caught my fancy. I loaded my shopping cart with Milo, milk, cream, biscuit, poundo yam etc. I made a mental note to check for bread and some pastries later. I needed to get the more important things first. Only that I overshopped and never had any money left to cover those.
When my cart got very heavy, I became scared. What if they reject the vouchers? What if? What if? So I went to the counter and showed a cashier. She nodded acceptance.
So I went back with more confidence and now I shopped harder and with a bit of invisible pride on my shoulder. I even caused a stir on the queue when I was paying with the vouchers. Everybody stood still on the queue, watched and waited while cashier removed chocolate, golden morn, cornflakes, toothbrush, charcoal toothpaste, charcoal face wash (I decided to invest in few vanities), cassava fufu, lip balm etc. This had happened to me before. When some people would keep offloading two heavy carts on the counter and I would be there standing with just two or three pieces of items. So I know the feelings.
It was a twenty thousand naira voucher. Unfortunately for ShopRite, they didn’t have farm fresh yoghurt (the major reason why I went to Apo), they didn’t have fruit and fibre, their Coco pops was Nigerian made. These were the major things that gingered my going there.
Unfortunately again, their prices were over the top on some things. Take the Nivea for instance, it’s been sold at 1500max in my neighborhood supermarket but ShopRite sold it for 2500. They didn’t have varieties of body wash to make a decent choice from. There was neither radox nor olay.
I still had to pay 250naira extra because well, I had shopped overboard. While I was being attended to, a rough looking guy came, jumped the queue and tried to outsmart everyone else because he wanted to pay for four chin chin. He came to ShopRite to buy four chin chin. Cashier said he should go back. He refused and stood there.
As I was walking outside,this chin chin guy ran after me and caught up
” hey, please, how did you get those vouchers?”
I looked at him for some seconds. I didn’t know whether to respond or keep walking.
‘i don’t know how I got it. Maybe I stole it’. When I turned back, he had disappeared.
A security man who saw how plenty my ShopRite nylon was getting had taken a peanut and begged that I help him pay. I obliged. He thanked me.
This security guy helped me carry my nylons but I told him not to bother. He was going to get a moving cart. He was going to wheel it to the carpark for me. I insisted that he should not worry. I gat this. I was not going to call M to pick me either. Me that I came with bagco sack from home.😀😀😀😀emi late mi.
I didn’t want anyone from my office to see me with many ShopRite nylon. So instead of going back to the office to join the bus, I went home on my own jeje.
The people in my office or should I say generally that the people of this generation, have labelled every young female. It’s very sad. When they calculate your salary and compare it with the beautiful clothes and shoes you wear or the type of car you drive, and it’s not commensurate, they automatically tag you, cast you and say you have a sugar daddy. Their mind is too full of poverty, so much that I can’t deal. They don’t know that some of us don’t depend on government salary. Infact, January salary wasn’t paid in January.
And if as a single young woman, a nice car drops you at the office too often or even once, you will be shocked later when your news go round the office that different cars drop you every morning and that you are doing runs.
My barrister friends would hear none of it Sha. They stubbornly drive me inside and one of them even comes down to open the side door for me.
It’s the same reason why my neighbour who lives with her second husband was peeping into my space when my brothers came visiting from Lagos. Even though you could look into their faces and see some resemblance. They must sha believe what their devilish minds want to believe. Pray, how can you have kids for different men and yet be bothered about what I do ntori oloun?
So, about the shopping vouchers, it was a sugar friend that gave me and not a sugar husband or daddy.
The last time I had such heavy shopping was when I entered H-Medix with Jonathan Eze. I was in my office jeje when he called me to meet him at this eatery very close to my office. A place where my Lord normally eats. Where a plate of food would cover my living expenses for a week. Mylord must not even enter and find me there. How can I eat where my Lord is eating?😀😀😀😀
Who am I again? How much is my salary? The day my colleague went there to eat and mylord entered, she said she was lucky her back was turned to him and immediately he went to the counter, she ran outI laughed and laughed.
And Jonathan Eze even has the looks of a sugar daddy. He has lost weight now though. I had so many H-Medix nylons that I could not take to the office before the poverty minded people would cast me. So I kept it with the security. The security men till this day call me madam because of that day. They even asked me for small something. I gave them 200naira
I later saw kelloggs in my neighborhood. I’ve been loyal to that brand since the early 90s when I was at the boarding house and dad once gave me rice Krispies to take to school. I don’t eat rice Krispies to this day but I found my vanity in coco pops and fruit and fibre. They are my weaknesses. If you ever offend me, buy me F&F and I will forgive you. They’ve changed their package now.
My birthday is next month(parte after parte) and I bought myself a really beautiful 😍 shoe that I cannot wear past my door. It’s about 3-4inches heel. I’m strictly a flats person. I bought myself a lovely red dress too. And unlike previous years, I’m really counting down. I’m craving some really crunchy spring rolls, chocolate ice cream cake and a big bowl of yogurt only. I’m spoiling myself yo!!!! If I don’t take care of me, who will?
It’s finer in real life😀😀
P.S. I’m still broke please😀😀 because I’m working for Abuja landlords.
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Valentine, Pregnancy and Weekend Blues
I wrote this last night but it didn’t upload due to network issues…..so here goes I was home on that popular red day that people make so much noise about every year. I had fever. I had body pains. Anxiety symptoms. Chills. […]
I wrote this last night but it didn’t upload due to network issues…..so here goes
I was home on that popular red day
that people make so much noise about every year. I had fever. I had body pains. Anxiety symptoms. Chills.
It started since the day we stayed so late in court last week. Till almost 7pm. I left at a point though, with aching head. I was back at work the next day. We sat at 3pm. It was a Friday. We didn’t rise till after 4pm. I bailed.
So I bought drugs off the shelf. Felt a little bit better. Went to work on Thursday and the headaches came back with a bang. I managed to survive Friday. But I woke up with more symptoms this morning and I knew it was time to go to the hospital.
When I finally saw the doctor, female, pretty, glasses wearing, after I told her the symptoms, she asked next
“when was your last period?”
I smiled. I’m already used to this question. I would have reminded her even if she didn’t ask. I came prepared for that question 😂😂 so I answered mischievously.
“I’ve been looking for it for the past two days and I haven’t found it”, I replied cheekily. At least the red day was just 24hours ago. So everything kind of sums up. Valentine’s day plus a missing period.
I watched amusingly as her pen flickered quickly across the piece of lab paper where she wrote Mp, Widal and PT. I smiled wider. She gave me the paper and said “take it to the lab”. I was about to get tested for pregnancy the second time.
The last time I was at this hospital, I saw a male doctor and I told him I suspected malaria. When he asked me the “period” question, I had had my monthly flow already or it wasn’t due yet but I just couldn’t remember the last date and before you could say jack, he had written PT on my lab sheet.
So, I went to the lab. Blood sample was taken. I waited patiently and began to reminisce. Did I get pregnant in my sleep? Last time I checked, I don’t even have a spirit husband. 😅😀😃🤣
Why are they after me in this hospital? Why do they want pregnancy to fall on me? I had malaria and for a week, I was scared to go to the hospital because I knew they would slam a PT test on me. This is the second week and I had to go today eventually.
I have had malaria all my life to be sure of the symptoms. Besides, the pregnancy history of the females in my family does not include body aches, fever, headache etc. Our pregnancy history does not even include swollen legs, vomiting or spitting.
So, the female doctor ended her shift and left. When I was called again, it was to see a male doctor, my favorite anyways.
He was the only doctor on duty and he had an emergency CS to attend to. He walked out and asked me to wait. I was catching cold and feeling feverish while seated.
He walked in again, not noticing I had switched off his fan. He began to complain about seeing so many people. Too many sick people with only one doctor. He tried calling another doctor to come and relieve him so that he could go and carry out the surgery.
By the time he had time to quickly attend to me before rushing out again, my lab result was nowhere to be found. He was almost using another person’s test result to diagnose me. We searched his table but it wasn’t there.
He said “I will just treat you for malaria and typhoid”
I said “wa shere doctor”…in my mind Sha.
He wrote some drugs. I was worried about my PT result. How will I lose my PT test result like that? The paper had to get missing because of the pregnancy?😁😁😁😁😁😁aye mi o.
I sha came back home without a pregnancy test result. They had no ACT drug so I still went to buy.
However, unlike before when my appetite used to go south because of illness, I discovered that my appetite is so healthy and abnormally okay. I’m eating and over eating, more like a depressive symptom. Or a pregnancy symptom 😊😛😋😂
I had begged the doctor to give me a drug that’d make me sleep. He did. But I was asked to sign for that particular drug before I could take it. I saw that other people who received it at one point had signed for it too. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into until the pharmacist closed the book and I saw that it was labeled POISON. Not poison that would kill. But poison that should only be administered on doctor’s prescription and which cannot be bought over the counter.
I came back home and googled it. For the first time, Google didn’t scare me. It only showed that the drug would help with my anxiety attacks and make me sleep. This doctor had given me this same small, nameless drug when I complained to him that I was running out of my mind and could not sleep because I thought my dead father was following me around back in 2017. I was seeing him in my dreams and all. That was the week he died and I was sleeping at the hospital after sleeping at my neighbor’s for some days.😂😂😂. He gave me that nameless drug and I slept deeply and it calmed my brain.
Why am I having anxiety attacks? I really don’t know. I’m moving houses. I’ve found a beautiful house in an enviable location close to a police area command. Police is now my neighbor. But the money I’m coughing out is giving me panic attacks. The stress of moving chairs, luggage and all is scaring me. I’m too lazy to even move my ass not to talk of moving an entire house. I need to get a prepaid meter too. And. I’m just overwhelmed.
Tinuke badmus would understand this because we had this kind of convo when she had a shop and an apartment in eyebrow bodija estate before she moved to kaduna. Babe was legit complaining of having to renew two rent.
On the bright side, let me tell you about my good friends. Barrister Saturday(not real name) and the one whom I call Esquire. Esquire is married with a kid. I’m good friends with him and his wife. He drives this really beautiful muscle Camry with tinted glasses. It’s always exciting to go with them in the morning because we are all gisting, shouting, yabbing each other and quoting different sections of the law while at it. He drops his wife and baby first in garki. Then him and Barr Saturday drives me to the office. Barr Saturday is newly wedded.
I always beg them to drop me by the gate and let me trek inside. They will say “why, what are you hiding? You don’t want them to think we are your sugardaddies right? They must see us today. Infact, I am dropping you right within the second gate. So he zooms in and tries to enter the court premises gangan. I quickly open the door, jump out and run to the elevator. Those guys are the best thing since sliced bread. I always enjoy our morning conversation. We are friends because they have matters in my court.
J. E’s birthday was on the 13th. We haven’t talked this year. He could be annoying sometimes. He was supposed to get me into Lagos last year and he said ” oh I forgot”. But the thing is, he will see me, go on his knees and say he’s sorry. He once did that at jeviniks and I didn’t tell him to get up.
Still smarting from that anger I decided to sub him on his birthday. Guy didn’t even know it was a sub when I wrote “J E, today marks the end of your 39th year on earth. You will never see your thirties again. May your forties be kind to you.” He just clocked 39 and technically, he will start counting down to 40 from now.
It is very hard to see the sub but it’s a big sub anyways.
So, after taking that drug that I signed to collect, I’m still here, looking like lucozade, my eyes are as dry as if I murdered sleep.#sighs#
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When One Girl Was Cooking Indomie For My Dad
Once upon a time, Mr Banji came to my house to show me one girl…yellow pawpaw, petite, nails and hair on fleek, does a uniformed job. She was smiling and feeling coy. She looked too good to be true. She must have […]
Once upon a time, Mr Banji came to my house to show me one girl…yellow pawpaw, petite, nails and hair on fleek, does a uniformed job. She was smiling and feeling coy. She looked too good to be true. She must have been feeling on top of the world to have followed him to see me. Emi Mani😀😎
Having spent some time on the street myself, after been privileged to know the mind of young ladies towards old money bags, men who are old enough to be their father, I don know say ‘na dem’. These girls only needed such men as automated teller machine. I sized her up, weighing her brain. I sensed that she didn’t have much sense. But I greeted her enthusiastically.
The poor man had been badgered on every side by his family members,(not that I’m exonerating him too) the ones who dissolved into thin air after he died, that he shouldn’t remain alone. Typical average African mentality. If it was my mother who was alive, no one would ever remember that she would need companionship or that she needed someone to keep her alive longer. Infact, it would be a sacrilege to even insinuate such. Her children were to be her husband.
He had told me he was going to remain single for the rest of his life and I was happy. But I was a real mumu to have believed him anyways. He said and I quote “what do I need a woman for? I don’t want more children. Any woman that comes into my life now would turn my heart away from my children. I don’t want that. Let me just live my life.”
He had even turned to kidbrother jokingly one day and said “T, do you want a younger brother or you want to remain my last born?”
We had all laughed.
Until suddenly,
😁😁😁he said his leg was paining him and he could not get down from the bed.😀😀😀😀😁 He needed someone to be helping him to come down from bed. Inside life fa!!
Not this alone, the house at ibadan was going to crumble if nobody lived there.
I had heard enough. Just do whatever already!!
So, I became angry when he showed me the girl. I would have given anything to have iya onisu take her place honestly. At least iya onisu is old and matured. This girl was my competition. I was annoyed. Infact, I still am. The girl is in my office today but thank God I’m at the HQ while she’s still at my former garki office. People even call her my step mother. See the heavy cross I’m carrying😁🤣🤣my punishment was to be running in to her everyday but that is thankfully over now.
But when did I start getting really angry with this girl gan gan?
It was when my father began to eat Indomie… ayemitemibami!!!! My own father!!!!
Somebody who used to quarrel with my mum over pounded yam. Whose best food was pounded yam and efo riro. Or amala isu. Someone who hated chicken, who never liked jollof. Imagine my horror when my popsie said he was now eating Indomie.
Something must have gone wrong somewhere. Mr Banji never eats such things like Indomie.
After a while, this girl brought her mother to him and they began to ask for heavy cost for marital rights. I didn’t know whether to be laughing or jumping. The girl was from the part of Nigeria where the major population of their girls are being shipped to homes as househelps. Their major occupation was farming. Now, they were demanding heavy costs.
I didn’t say anything.
One day, the girl called me, she was very angry. she was reporting my dad to me after their relationship went sour. Dad was trying to recover everything he had done for her. She even had the gut to tell me on phone that she didn’t beg him for it.
Where you would know that her senselessness was legendary was the fact that she looked round and didn’t see anybody to call except me. Me that I was waiting to roast her. But I spoke to her nicely and promised to help her settle with my dad. I dey craze??😃😀
When he said people were begging him on her behalf, I wore the cap of a tyrant. I spoke to him as if I was his mother. Like a dictator, I threatened him.
“dad, if you ever accept this girl again, I’m disowning you”. I wasn’t sure if he took my threat seriously.😁😀 I could only hope and watch.
Until one day, my dad himself called me and said ‘i will come and see you by weekend to tell you what that girl did to me’. I was now happy.
How did I know the relationship had finally ended?
When he brought the remaining carton of Indomie to my house. I knew it was over forever. He was thanking God too. He said “God saved me from that girl. She would have collected all of your brother’s law school fees from my hand.
*******
Did I do bad????😀
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So What’s Next After Detty December?
Is it too late to say happy new year? Thank God it’s still January so, happy new year everyone. I’m happy to be back. I really missed being here. I really don’t know why I stopped coming here. Well, my creative juices […]
Is it too late to say happy new year? Thank God it’s still January so, happy new year everyone.
I’m happy to be back. I really missed being here. I really don’t know why I stopped coming here. Well, my creative juices stopped flowing since December when I became worn out, unhappy, tired and so on and so forth.
I really needed a fresh breath, a new environment, new people. I was on my annual leave but I was so choked. Later, I had an injury on my leg which kept me indoors. You could say ‘good morning’ to me and I could burst into tears. I wanted to be out of Abuja so badly.
However, December 2019 ended up being the best I ever had. It was a detty December. I went on adventures, travelled at night and in the day, ate suya on the street of lokoja at 12.30am, wee-wee by the roadside at 2am, chewed plantain chips under the dark with my earphones plugged to my ears, got to adedibu’s city at 7am…..and boom, detty December began.
I took casual strolls to gbagi tuntun, mokola, gate, orita mefa, aleshinloye. Everyday, I made sure I went out just to take in the city.
I went to see mum and dad too. The grave had cracked. The tenants didn’t even open the gate on time. We were there for almost thirty minutes, knocking. And when we entered, they had these mad dogs all over. I was livid. They should be happy I’m not the one managing the house because of distance.
I went to aleshinloye. I wanted to lock my hair. Thank God I didn’t because I would have gotten tired in just a week. I was advised to grow the hair a little bit before locking. So I did my signature style for a week. Then I got tired on the 3rd day and I decided that hairmaking was not for me. Team lowcut gang makes better sense. So I went to do the needful.
Oh, I haven’t told you how excited I was to see my Lord. He was so happy to see me as well. I could have hugged him even but I’m not sure what his reaction would have been. I had called him in January to ask for one more week so that I could go to Lagos. He had said “so you’ve not finished your new year celebration?”
I said ” no my Lord, I need to go to Lagos, please sir” and he had said okay.
He said ” ahn ahn, Yetunde, how are you? How was the Xmas and new year celebration? How are your brothers? The one in Lagos and the one who read law?(he didn’t know about my brothers through me. It was through their father, Mr Banji that he heard about them).
I love Milord ( it’s not a romantic love pls, so let’s be guided ). I stan him. He gives us peace of mind. You are happy coming to work, not scared. I think I unconsciously transferred some of the affection I have for Mr Banji to him. I made him my daddy without his consent. And you should see us when we are gisting and laughing. I carry his water, iPad and books to the court room every morning.
This year is looking good already. I will be back to share more juicy stories. I’m at work now.
So what’s your January looking like? How was your December? Was it Detty? Care to share?#okbye
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I Am Weird
Many many years ago, after mum retired from NIPOST, her husband gave her money to start her business. So she went to the market and bought the goods….mostly daily needs, provisions and sundry. When she got back, our entire living room was […]
Many many years ago, after mum retired from NIPOST, her husband gave her money to start her business. So she went to the market and bought the goods….mostly daily needs, provisions and sundry.
When she got back, our entire living room was filled with goods. Everywhere was scattered as my siblings were trying to help her arrange the stuff and label with price. They were also recording all the items in an exercise book.
The excitement was too much. Everyone was involved in something; sorting, checking, writing, labelling, clearing etc
But where was yours truly?
I was in the bedroom all alone, on my bed staring at the wall.
Ok, let’s just say I’m here to officially declare my eccentricity because I am now tired of myself too.
I could barely stand the excitement in the air. I saw them briefly doing stuffs but I didn’t get what the fuss was all about because she got a shop and was starting her business.
I didn’t know that iya yet noticed. All of a sudden, after like two hours, she marched into my room and in carefully selected words of a pained mother, she lashed out at me.
“Why are you here when everybody else is helping me out in the living room? Did I give birth to you? What kind of bad behavior is this?”
I honestly felt sorry for her because she was not happy about it but yet, I still wasn’t sorry. I mean, every other person was there including some aunties she sent for. The living room was overcrowded with people and littered with stuff. She had more than enough help so why should my absence bother her so much?
I was 14 years at the time and didn’t think it was wrong. Now I know it was bad.
However few months down the line, after getting jambed by jamb, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere till another year or even more than.
I became the sole administrator of that shop. Not because I was trying to prove a point but because I really wanted to. I had the highest single sale whenever I went there. I opened even on Sundays when everyone had gone to church. I stopped going to church that year. Because I told myself I didn’t have enough fancy clothes😂😀
So my sales tripled on Sundays because only my shop was opened on the street when others were closed. Iya yet used to be so pleased whenever she’s counting her money after church.
During the week, I made sure I did contribution for her. The alajo used to come and at the end of the month, I would trek to collect the money at their office.
I went to oritamerin, agbeni ogunpa to get different things, carrying loads from ogunpa to itamerin. Let’s just say, I laboured the most in that shop eventually.
I would wake up in the morning and after sweeping the house, my major assignment was to go and open the shop which I would sweep both inside and outside, then, bring out the goods to display. They would later send my breakfast.
I remember one time that I carried heavy cartons of soap, detergent, drinks etc on my head in agbeni market. There was no alabaru and I just told mum to place it on my head. She was shocked. I carried it to the car where Mr Banji was waiting. Mum couldn’t stop talking about how her undergraduate daughter helped her to carry load in the market. I had gained admission by then and was home on holiday.
But to iya yet, not showing interest in the whole camaraderie the first day meant so many bad things to her and she must have gone to bed that night depressed. Those who were opening and closing, writing and recording didn’t stay one day in the shop. Infact, they would only go there to eat her stuff. She had to ban them at a time 😂. Turns out they were happy that first day because they saw it as a chance to be drinking coke and eating biscuit. But the one who didn’t engage with them was seen as the sadist.
You know, many times, my mom would say “but I didn’t go and beg for your pregnancy from irunmole, sango or ifa so why are you like this?😀😂
At other times, I would decline to eat certain food she cooked and she would say “but I didn’t give birth to you abroad. Why will you be demanding for nnkan inu agolo? Abi iru omo wo leleeyi? Afi nnkan Inu agolo ni gbogbo igba. She referred to coco pops, fruit&fibre, Milo, that I loved to eat as nnkan Inu agolo. However, she would still give me money to go to cran chemist to get those stuffs.
What am I trying to say? I am a very weird person and I know it. Big things don’t move me. Most things that move people will not move me. I may not outrightly be warm over certain things but eventually I’d be your biggest fan and most loyal supporter. I’d sing your praises to the heavens. I would make a meaningful impact more than the people who were so much expressive with their emotions more than me. I’d eventually outdo them. But at first, you will most likely see my lack of interest as traits of sadism, as being unkind. That’s where I’m weird.
On Thursday, I accompanied someone to Aso Radio, Abuja. I actually work with her as a publicist. She came to my house, picked me up and drove us there.
And what did I do when we entered the studio, I scanned the room full of women(voice over, anchor of the show etc), the coldness of the room swept my face and I walked out. I told her I’d be waiting outside. Just like that. I lost interest. It was a live radio program and I was supposed to be there. She actually called me the previous night and told me I should be there with her.
And what did I do? I went to sit outside under the shed, gazing into space. The station is situated on a rock. You’d be terrified driving on that rock. I saw the streets and road from above. Some white folks came to take pictures. I yawned. I was bored.
She finished. Came out and I dropped from her car on the way home. She must have been wondering if I was an ogbanje or emere. However, I’ve written great stuffs for her, one of which recently got her an invitation to speak at NTA Abuja. I wrote the speech she delivered when she won an award recently at radio house. I’ve done really great stuffs for her. I have publicised her shows and events.
Since I started working with the court, I have NEVER attended any of their ceremony either by staff or board if it’s not a training or intellectual stuff like book presentation or public lecture. I have never paid for any aso ebi(that’s a matter of principle though).
When the past president of the court was leaving, there was a whole lot of activity lined up including a dinner at Sheraton, the popular Ladi Kwali Hall.
I attended all the public lecture at international conference centre, shehu musa yaradua centre but I failed to turn up for the dinner. All my colleagues couldn’t believe their ears. There was massive food according to them. They ate, drank to stupor, packed food home. I didn’t even care. I was in my house, just staring at the ceiling. I had no strong reason for not going.
I pondered on all these and I decided to make amends even if just once. So, our new president was sworn in as the substantive president at the supreme Court yesterday and we had the reception at an event centre in Gwarimpa.
So I decided to go.
And it was fun.
And I ate jollof with green leaf. It was ugwu leaf aswearugad! They didn’t cook it.
Jonathan Eze left for Lagos on Wednesday night and thank God I didn’t travel yet. Because on Thursday, after leaving aso radio, I was called to come to the office.
I went. They were sharing rice.
I already got a half bag of rice, vegetable oil from the contribution I did. I’m getting the meat this week. So, this makes it two half bags. What will I do with a full bag of rice ntori oloun?
I eat half bag for a whole year. That’s after giving out parts of it.
Some are sending it to their parents in the village. Even if my parents were alive, I would never send them rice. Nah. They are the kind of parents that’d rather send me rice, full bag of wheat, meat and other condiments. In short, if they were alive, I would never be found contributing for rice and meat sharing. Dad would get at least three bags this season. Two bags from the office and one bag from any of his contractors or well wishers. He gives out rice at Xmas too.
Anyways, after collecting rice, we had cooperative meeting at the office. They were going to share dividends. So they gave us jollof again. Let’s just say I spent the rest of this week eating upandan. I ate that jollof in the staff bus and came home happily.
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I’m Walking Away From These Simpletons!!!
I’m awake watching The Experience on TV. I don’t even know who’s singing right now neither do I know the song but I guess I just need something to add a bit of spice to my poignant mood. We’ve just witnessed the […]
I’m awake watching The Experience on TV. I don’t even know who’s singing right now neither do I know the song but I guess I just need something to add a bit of spice to my poignant mood.
We’ve just witnessed the biggest rape of the judiciary in the history of Nigeria. A sitting judge had to be quickly ushered out of the courtroom. The temple of justice has just been desecrated and trampled upon by the powers that be.
While I have spoken so gloriously about the courtroom, I have never ever talked about the risk, danger and palpable tension which sometimes characterises court sitting.
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Sometimes last month, we sat on a very sensitive union matter. From morning when we got to the court premises, everywhere was filled with unionists in uniforms, chanting slogans with their buses. They were headed to my court. The security department had to make a request to the chief registrar to acquire more policemen just for a single sitting. Of course, there’s usually a police attached to every courtroom but certain times like this, they call for reinforcements.
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They were acting on a tip off that some charlatans among them were going to cause trouble.
Milord was told to address them after delivering his ruling that anyone who looked for trouble would be whisked away as there were security operatives around.
They filled the courtroom to the brim. We kept bringing in more chairs for them. I don’t know about others but I had a sense of foreboding. My heart was beating fast. I kept imagining all that could go wrong if the ruling didn’t favour them. This union is one of the most daring, deadly unions in Nigeria.
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As they filed out of the courtroom later, they started causing trouble downstairs. They initiated an attack against the chairman of the opposing side. They wanted to kidnap him. It took great efforts for him to be rescued. Our lives too were at risk but we summoned courage and sat with stony faces. Most of my colleagues didn’t even come, it was just two of us I guess.
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At another time, we had sat on a very popular trending labour union matter in Nigeria. All the unionists chartered a bus to the court wearing their uniforms. Court was filled. Tv stations came. Security had to be beefed up for us.
Sometimes, I go to court with my heart in my mouth. My court is the busiest and gets the most sensitive cases and sometimes W does not remember to alert security about sensitive matters coming up.
I was wondering what I would have done if what happened at Federal High Court had taken place in my court. Of course, I would have scampered to safety begging God to spare me.
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That’s the obvious risk attached to sitting in court that no one tells you about.
So still smarting from those issues above, I was gobsmacked when two of my neighbors started arguing last night. Before I knew it, a tussle started. It was a big war. They began to beat themselves like two rams at ileya locking horns to the delight of a cheering crowd on a field, market place or public road.
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Only that, they are both husbands. One with a few days old baby and another with a less than two year old baby. Both father of girls. One works with the presidency while the other is a roadside mechanic according to compound gossip. The other, is the second husband of my neighbor who claimed Mr Banji was my sugar daddy.
The mech said he was going to kill the other. He dragged him and overpowered him. He began to pummel him right behind my window. I wasn’t fully clad so I only peeped into the dark night shouting blood of Jesus. But, the blood of Jesus is even too precious to be called in such circumstances. What’s Jesus’ business with two unreasonable fellas who were obviously egotistical and could not reason because of their male pride? I should have called the blood of zecharias instead.
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These guys didn’t bother to think about the future of their kids in a country like Nigeria. They were not even worried that they were living in bleak times, all they cared about was to get even and kill each other.
Mind you, this wasn’t the first time they engaged in a brawl. The last time they did this, one of them had to invite the police and the other was whisked to the station. I mean, policemen actually came to the compound that night. It was past midnight. I was tired and angry. I had worked all through the day and they were denying me my night sleep. My bedroom window directly faces their parlour.
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So, I made up my mind this evening.
I think I’ve had it enough already. I’m probably taking a walk out of this environment soon. I can’t keep up with their shenanigans, with their lack of sense and obvious incredulity. Simpletons who live for the bottle.
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I think it was Craig David who sang “I’m walking away, from troubles in my life, I’m walking away, going to have a better day”. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do in 2020.
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