Mom @ 60

My mother was eight years younger than her husband. But she had more foresight, strength and power than him. When it came down to taking long term decisions that’d determine the future of their children, building a house or buying a car, my mother was the head of the family 😀😀😀 and I will forever stan a queen. She was not a yes woman. She was a woman of steel, a god.

My father would never have had anything to his name, not even a house or a car. He believed so much in education and in training his kids. Not this alone, he believed in living life to the fullest. And this he sure did. Papa enjoyed his life so much that I still envy him. He staged the best parties ever. He bought choice clothes but not lands.

There’s a story dad told me few months before he died. Of course I knew the story but he was talking fondly about mother this very day, with a twinkle in his eye and some pride in his voice.

“One day, before I got back from Lagos, your mother had called the bricklayer, a carpenter, painter, architect and asked them to give me estimate. She only invited me to the meeting. I was shocked but I had no choice than to play along. That was how she made me build my house. That’s also the reason why I put her name on the documents. That house belongs to your mother, nobody can drag it with you”.

This was the day he told me where he kept the house documents and that my mother’s son, the dark one knew where he kept it.
The story is that dad was never serious about having a house. We lived in a rented property for a long time. While all his friends were moving to their houses, dad was never impressed. After spending on education, which he did superbly, he spent the rest on frivolities or things that appealed to his taste.

One day miraculously after much prayers, he came back and said he got two plots of land. He bought only one plot and the other dashed to him by a certain prominent man. We were happy. They went to check the land and it was at a good location. But that was where it ended. Dad simply moved on with his YOLO life and forgot about it. Mom begged and nagged but he wouldn’t agree to even do a foundation.

So, she soon retired from NIPOST and what did she do? She got her gratuity, marched to the land, called that meeting I explained earlier with builders in tow. That was how she singlehandedly started the foundation. When dad saw that she meant business and was building, he stepped up and began to pump money into it. They did the house in three months and moved in. At the time they moved, everything was not in place. But mom said she was no longer going to stay in a rented house, so she woke up one day and packed. I was in school when they called that they had moved. Imagine, leaving school and having to trace your new house by directions.

It was mom that facilitated the painting, decor and furnishings of the house. Infact, I had to give her kudos. She did it bit by bit. You’d just come back from school and meet a brand new drapery or kitchen cabinet or TV in your room. My mother had plenty sense.

Years before this, she called me into her room at the usual 4am for a serious talk. She wanted to buy a car since her husband was an unserious man😀. She badgered him, begged and did all she could but he wouldn’t budge. He didn’t mind standing by the roadside in his police uniform waiting for a cab. My mother thought it was shameful. So she asked me to borrow her the 55k in my account. I had just finished secondary school that year.
Her first car was a Mazda 626 and when Mom bought it, dad’s eyes became clear. He began to beg to take the car out. He began to drive it round town. Later, he got an official car from his office, a golf. It was after this that he got a Mercedes Benz. But mother must always lead the way before he wakes up.

I don’t think marriage favours women in Africa and Nigeria. Apart from the burden of raising children while the husband walks free or is transferred from one state to the other, the woman still bears the blame if anything goes wrong. Her husband takes credit for all her hardwork and labour. I don’t think this is fair.
My mother was a storm, that’s why she gave birth to a riot like me😀.

Because I’m not a yes woman too. Nehi!!!
My sister is a yes woman, a Ruthie kind of person. But not me. It irritates me when a woman is a yes woman.
Who is a yes woman? A woman who doesn’t have an opinion. Who waits on her man for everything. Who runs with her husband’s decisions even when he’s clearly leading both of them into the ditch. It’s a woman who can’t look a man in the face and say ‘no, we won’t have it your way. We will do it the right way. When you are ready, follow me, I will take the lead. They are women who fear their husbands. They struggle to be accepted. They don’t want him to be annoyed.😁😂😀 O lagbara gan
How can a lion give birth to a cat? Impossicant!!! I am a cub.

She would send everything from ibadan including pepper and locust beans. She would tie money discreetly in the bag without letting dad know. She would then padlock it and ask him to give me the bag and key. She gave me 50k the year she died when I went home for Easter and she told me “don’t ever be sad even if you aren’t working. I will always send you money every month”. While in school, she used to call us aside and add to whatever pocket money we got from dad. My mother was a republic.
You see, this is why i can’t cut some people any slack when I see how they treat their kids. It irks me because we were all that mattered to our own parents.

My mom would have been 60 on May 15th. And we would have rolled out the drums. Except for Coro. Coro would have spoilt it but we would have postponed it.

Mother really suffered after having her first son. That story always broke me whenever she told us. She was carrying the boy from place to place when he had a strange ailment months after birth. Her own health suffered for the latter part of her life. No, I can’t tell my mother’s story.
It’s too painful and it will break me. I remember staying with her at UCH, sleeping on the chair checking on her whether she was still breathing or not. She was our backbone, a shield. When she died, I knew the shield had finally been taken away and it was only a matter of time. I was scared.
Life really played a fast one on me. It made me so disadvantaged. Many of life’s battles could have been easily fought and won with my mother in tow. Many decisions would have been long taken and executed. Life would have been a lot easier. I go to ibadan and hang in my uncle’s house. Home is no longer home.

She died on a Saturday night. And it was tough. I went to my then neighbor’s house and we were praying together thinking she’d wake up. She didn’t come back.
What was Mr Banji without my mother? He was just a man without bearing. She brought the bearing to his life. She brought the achievement. She gave birth to the best kids. What would have happened if she didn’t have us? I really wonder.

If you see a child who lacks motherly presence, you’ll know because it really shows in their life. They are so disadvantaged. People even try to cheat them(those people always pay for the rest of their life though).They don’t find it funny. They leave some important parts of their life unattended to. They become careless. They take anyhow decisions.

That’s why Jonathan Eze looked at me one day, shook his head pitifully and said ‘who advises you? Who keeps you in check? Something is wrong with you o and you don’t know”. He’s an hediot sha. I told him that yes many things are wrong with me and that I own my madness.

Yes, I’m taking all of my life’s decision all by myself, without holding consultations and I really don’t care if it pleases anyone or not. I have become the garrison commander of my own affairs, so deal with it.
I can’t really continue this write-up because I’m broken already. But I may talk about how she advised/influenced me in getting a job in a subsequent post which I will title “Job Chronicles”. Let me go and cry first 😞😓😢😰😟😕

She has won many awards in writing and poetry amongst which are CLO essay competition (1st Prize Southwest) NDIC essay competition(5th Prize in the southwest) and a World Bank Essay Certificate of Participation She has worked with as a content editor and a host of sites as a ghost writer. She has written great inspirational content for fashion brands/blogs. She has been featured on radio and recently added public speaking to her portfolio. You can hire her to write a professional/business profile for you, online content editing, book editing, guest blogging, ghostwriting, content creation or if you need copies of her book, contact her via Olasiyan Olasiyan Follow her business page on Instagram @officialladywriter


May 14, 2020 at 9:31 pm

Warm hugs from me to you, Sis.

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