Marriage is not over-rated, it is still a blessed institution!!!

On this episode of our Family of the Month, there is a young couple, Mr&Mrs Ajayi, who are raising godly kids in a godly home, whose story is an inspiration to everyone. This isn’t one of those Facebook sensational stories. It is true. I have known Adejoke for a while(in secondary school, that dates back to more than a decade ago).
This couple would be sharing with us, what makes their marriage tick. They would demystify the 21st century mystery surrounding marriages. This is an interview you want to read. I learnt from them. You would learn too. Grab your popcorn and sit back. Enjoy!!
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1.INTRODUCTION

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Ajayi Olugbenga is a Training/Project Consultant who specializes in Project management and Health & Safety. He is from Osun State, Nigeria. Ajayi Adejoke is a Nutritionist who is also into part- time catering. She is from Ondo State, Nigeria.
They are both christians and have been happily married for 5years to the glory of God. They are based in Lagos, Nigeria.
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2. . Do you sometimes wish you were both single? Answer separately. If yes, why. If no, why?
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Joke’s response: oh yes! I sometimes wish I was single when I’m a little stressed due to family commitments and responsibilities; this I think is a normal feeling because I’m human. As a single lady, I had no care in this world! Parenting is crazy and being a wife is no child’s play!!
Gbenga’s response: my answer is yes and no.
Yes I wish I was single sometimes when I just feel like being left alone and not being forced to eat (yes, eating is a huge task for me!). As a single guy, I would eat whenever I felt like, not out of compulsion.
No I don’t wish I was single because I have a dependable person (my wife) to reason and plan with. Two good heads are better than one.
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3. With the way marriages have been made to look on social media these days, have you ever regretted being married?
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Joke’s response: i have NEVER ever regretted being married. Not even when I feel stressed or when we have a misunderstanding.
Gbenga’s response: no, never!
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4. What are those things you wish you knew before getting married?
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Joke’s response: I wish I knew motherhood was a huge task that involves maturity, patience and most of all grace! I thought it was going to be a walk in the park!!
Gbenga’s response: I wish I knew more about the power of sharing thoughts which can bring a huge solution to any challenge.
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5. Is marriage really over rated or there is more to it? Is it true that its actually safer to remain single rather than get married?
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Joke’s response: I don’t think marriage is overrated. It is a blessed institution. What I’m sure of is that there is more to marriage than meets the eye.
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And yes, I feel it’s safer for a lady to remain single rather than get married WRONGLY. You have your spouse, children, in-laws and even your own family to deal with. How do you maintain the good relationship you have with those who like you (in-laws)? How do you handle those who do not seem to like you? Who comes for “omugwo”? How do you handle post-partum blues/depression? These are some issues you need to deal with and there will be problems if you get married to the wrong person because it takes a man whose “head” is very “correct” to work these things (and many more) out. Like I said earlier, it takes a lot of patience, high level of maturity and grace to stay HAPPILY married; otherwise, the person would be better off as a single lady.
Gbenga’s response: no, marriage is not overrated. It is one of the best things that could happen to a man! Marriage is ordained by God.
No, it is never safe being single because your sexual hormones become active and this may lead you into sexual immoralities. Just make sure you choose RIGHT.
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6. From a man’s perspective, is it true that all men cheat? Is it true that a man can never be faithful to one woman throughout the days of his life? 
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Gbenga’s response: no, not all men cheat! I am a living example (by God’s grace) and I am proud of it!!
A man can be faithful to one woman throughout his life because once you are committed to a course; you have to be faithful till the end.
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7.  Is it true that men are wired to explore, chase different women and have strings of affairs?
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Gbenga’s response: No, men are not wired to explore and chase different women. It is by choice!
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8. Social media is responsible for a lot of home breakage these days. You hear things like, don’t ever touch his/her phone. Do you maintain this policy in your home? Or do you have access to each other’s phones and other gadgets?
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No, we do not have a “do not touch my gadgets” policy in our home. We have access to each other’s gadgets. We pick each other’s calls when necessary (when the other person is not disposed), we go through pictures and other files. All these are done in the open. No secrecy in our home. Nevertheless, we respect each other’s privacy. We do not go through each other’s gadgets because we are looking for “something”.
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9. What do you think is the greatest threat to marriages in our time?
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The greatest threat to marriages in our time is POOR COMMUNICATION with each other and LACK OF RESPECT for each other.
Factors responsible for failures in marriages, even Christian marriages are:
Immaturity
Unforgiveness
Lies: when the foundation of a marriage is built on falsehood, there is a high tendency of it failing.
Lack of respect for each other
Lack of focus
Inability to understand each other
Social vices: how are your social lives as a couple and as an individual? Who are the friends you keep? How “sane” are you when it comes to social media?
The list is endless!
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10. How do you cope with household chores? Do you share duties or its the woman’s work or you hired a help?
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We are doing just fine as regards household chores. We all (including our 3year old daughter) have our parts we play in maintaining a clean house. For example, I (Joke) do the cooking most of the time. Gbenga cooks on Sundays (when he doesn’t go to work), I do the dishes mostly, I wash the clothes and he irons, he bathes the kids and gets them ready for school, church or any outing while I cook and pack their bags, daughter cleans up after herself after eating or when the toys are all over the place. Gbenga do supermarket runs while I do the local market runs. He sweeps and mops, I do too sometimes. And so on. Sometimes, roles are being reversed as the situation permits.
There is a weekend help who does the thorough cleaning every Saturday.
As for family-career balance, God has been helping us in that area. The children stay in school till evening (after-school club), we keep tab of what they do in school because we have a good relationship with their teachers and the school authority, we attend school meetings, do their homework with them, attend most outings with them and we allow them express themselves. Daddy communicates well when he is out of town.
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11. How do you balance family with your career and raising kids?
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Settling grievances: God has also been helping us in this area. We are humans, we had different backgrounds, we have had different experiences in life, and we come from different families, so we cannot agree ALL the time. I am proud to say that I have a husband who has NEVER raised his voice at me in almost 5years. Yes we have God to thank for that.
One thing I’m sure of is that there are ways to settle misunderstandings without fighting and shouting. It is by choice anyway. We have made up our minds not to bring our children up in a hostile environment where mummy and daddy shout at each other before quarrels are being resolved. Most marriage counsellors (especially Christians) are not helping matters either. You will hear things like you both must fight very well to know each other better, the first few years of marriage are always accompanied by quarrels or almost divorce/separation and it’s for both parties to understand each other better, bla bla bla. That is a big lie from the pit of hell.
When there is a disagreement, we settle things without shouting (not because we do not have loud voices. It is called RESPECT) no matter how hurt we are. We don’t keep malice (we can’t even try it for 10minutes!), we just address the issue right there. Either or both parties just have to eat the humble pie and the matter is settled and dismissed!
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12. Does God match two individuals by himself or people can just select who to marry by natural factors?
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Joke’s response: well the two are interwoven. Yes, people can select who to marry by natural factors but the God factor cannot be out ruled. I do not know if it happens in all cases but in my own case, I was always praying to God to give me a man after His own heart. I had my specifications of the type of man I wanted (no TDH on the list though) and God honoured my request. By divine orchestration I believe, we met and the rest, they say, is history.
Gbenga’s response: marriage is ordained by God and He makes the paths of the couples to meet. The God factor is a major factor in your choice of spouse.
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Author

nikeolasiyan@yahoo.com
She has won many awards in writing and poetry amongst which are CLO essay competition (1st Prize Southwest) NDIC essay competition(5th Prize in the southwest) and a World Bank Essay Certificate of Participation She has worked with woman.ng as a content editor and a host of sites as a ghost writer. She has written great inspirational content for fashion brands/blogs. She has been featured on radio and recently added public speaking to her portfolio. You can hire her to write a professional/business profile for you, online content editing, book editing, guest blogging, ghostwriting, content creation or if you need copies of her book, contact her via nikeolasiyan@yahoo.com Facebook.com/Yetunde Olasiyan instagram.com/Yetunde Olasiyan Follow her business page on Instagram @officialladywriter

Comments

March 26, 2017 at 1:39 pm

Yup! I agree. Marriage is a blessed institution and I can hardly wait to be a part of it. Well done, Yetunde. Great blog posts! And congratulations too on you know what.



Tomi
March 29, 2017 at 1:15 pm

My sentiments exactly…lovely couple. God bless your union



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