Lockdown Diary#####

I opened my gate to go buy light saving bulbs after one week of permanent self imposed house arrest. I’m just recovering from malaria/typhoid too.

As I was going, I decided to branch at the bakery to see what they were doing there. I walked past where I was supposed to buy bulbs.

I got to the bakery(trekking distance from my house) and saw this really hot bread. I bought two instead of one. Obviously, money was not enough to buy energy saving bulbs again so I bought the yellow bulb on my way back.

By the way, there are a lot of mango trees in my quarters. I won’t be ashamed to go and climb a mango tree when next I’m bored.

When I got to my gate, I saw two of my neighbors. Two cute guys-one yellow, one black. Nice human beings.

The tall one is the yellow pawpaw. The short one is the black one whose building is directly beside mine. All four houses including mine are for sole occupants.

The yellow one had an electrical issue sometimes last week so they both came to knock my gate. They can only access the electrical fault at the backyard if they go in through my gate. I can’t really explain this but that’s the way the houses are.

I opened for them after keeping them waiting for sometime. You see, I’ve been living in Eden.

They moved to the backyard and I followed them. They gave me some timely security advice as regards my backyard fence. They gave me useful information about the environment and I was glad. The black one also told me about water board and water bills. I was seeing and speaking with them for the first time.

So I promised to get the black one’s number. I told him I’d knock his gate but immediately I said it, my spirit confirmed to me that I was lying. I knew I’d never go to his gate.

So I didn’t see them again till yesterday morning. Then I walked up to them and asked for their digits. They easily obliged me and got mine too.

Just as I was going back inside, I remembered the bulb. I needed a tall person to help me fix it on the wall outside. So I went back to tell the tall one to help. He agreed and followed me. You see, I was once asked on live radio at ibadan two years ago “are you a feminist?”

The question took me off balance and I couldn’t answer it well. I am not a feminist but I’m a feminist. I belong to everybody and I belong to nobody.

I’m not a feminist because I won’t ever be caught dragging generator when a man can easily do that for me. I don’t believe in equality but I believe in equity(fairness and justice, equal opportunities). I’m not equal to a man but I have the same rights as a man because we are both human beings. He created them male and female. I can’t do all the things that a man can do. A man can’t also do the things I can do effortlessly.

I am a feminist if the Nigerian brand of feminism agrees that there are gender roles that make us different but we should strive for a society where men and women are treated equally. Where women are not looked down upon because of their gender. Where women can inherit from their father even as females. Where women can be bosses and a man can work under them just because a lot of women are more qualified and brainy than men.

What am I saying? In essence, I can’t be stressing myself fixing bulbs on a wall when there’s a muscled tall man that can easily do that for me. That’s common sense

I still don’t use my gen because I can’t drag it. My former neighbors didn’t even know I had a gen until the day they came to help me move my things. It’s a man’s work please

And a kitchen is a man and a woman’s workstation. Osiso.

So, yellow guy fixed the bulb for me and left but I heard another man’s voice from outside

“Na there you dey leave?”

The human was talking to yellow guy but I didn’t hear his response clearly. This human now said

“Call her now. Tell her to come”.

So I went out and saw this half naked old man with a big pot belly. He had on only a knicker without shirt. His protuded belly was visible. As I was walking towards them, I heard

“Na this one? This one is just a child. Na she dey live here?”

“How can you even talk like that?Na this one? Is that how to address a person? That was so condescending” I said to the rude man.

“Yaaay, oyinbo don finish. I didn’t mean to insult you. It’s not an insult. But you are a child”

“I will take an exception to that. Can you call this woman a child?” I pointed at a middle aged woman who was sitting and carefully observing the proceedings too.

Pot belly man began to stammer. “Well, all of you na the same thing. If to say you tie wrapper for chest, I go know say na madam you be. But these days that all of you women are dressing funky funky and we don’t know who is who”

I shook my head at his sheer ignorance. I looked him over as he regaled us with tales of how he’s the first landlord, how he has a gun, how we should be having meetings because of the security situation, how he has an hotel in town, how he gets home 1am-2am.

You get gun, you get hotel, mschewww!

Somebody’s father o. How does he talk to his wife? Let me respect his age and leave him, I thought. So I walked out.

“I’m not yet through o”

Twenty minutes later, the yellow neighbor messaged me “pls don’t take what he said to heart. Igbo men are always so rude. They don’t know how to talk. Splendid day ahead”

I was gobsmacked.

And I was thinking yellow guy was Ibo all along. So what tribe is he? I still don’t know.

I responded and thanked him. Told him I’d not be attending any meeting chaired by a patriarchal man, a narcissist.

I forgot about the incident.

At night, I missed black neighbor’s call because I was on call with my friend in US.

I was surprised so I called back.

Dude started to apologise to me o. Saying I should not mind old man. That Ibo men don’t know how to talk to people. That he even tried to call me some minutes after the incident but my number was busy.

See me grinning from ear to ear. Both of them finished ibo men. Well it felt good coming from men. I’ve now totally forgiven the man on their behalf

********

I just remembered that Jonathan Eze is an ibo man too. I didn’t know all these years. I thought he was from Delta since he schooled in Abraka(Delsu). Until this year when he told me “I’m from Enugu o. Nsukka gan gan.

I opened my mouth and couldn’t close it. Jonathan was born in Ogun state, lived most of his life in Lagos. He even speaks Egba, that adulterated yoruba language of the west that you cannot understand even as a yoruba person. He speaks clear yoruba even better than me. The day I heard him speak Egba, I opened my eyes wide. His dad was a renowned medical doctor in ogun state and well known among the locals. Jonathan Eze went to school but hear what he told me while we were at Compass after I told him I gained admission to unilag.

“Iwo omo Yi, what do you need a Masters for? You are too ambitious. Men don’t like ambitious women.

Igbo kwenu!!

Author

nikeolasiyan@yahoo.com
She has won many awards in writing and poetry amongst which are CLO essay competition (1st Prize Southwest) NDIC essay competition(5th Prize in the southwest) and a World Bank Essay Certificate of Participation She has worked with woman.ng as a content editor and a host of sites as a ghost writer. She has written great inspirational content for fashion brands/blogs. She has been featured on radio and recently added public speaking to her portfolio. You can hire her to write a professional/business profile for you, online content editing, book editing, guest blogging, ghostwriting, content creation or if you need copies of her book, contact her via nikeolasiyan@yahoo.com Facebook.com/Yetunde Olasiyan instagram.com/Yetunde Olasiyan Follow her business page on Instagram @officialladywriter

Comments

April 21, 2020 at 7:43 pm

See, ehnnn! All I can remember from this post is the tall yellow cup of goodness! Obviously, the dark one has fallen short already…
See me in private raitewe!



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