I am starting a new series!!!
Today, I am starting a new series called #myfatherseries#.
It’s a means of keeping good memories of the man who birthed me. Its a way of having written collections of the good times we had together so that maybe, I can read them in future and smile.
I don’t know how long this is going to last. But anytime I need to write about him, it will come under the series.
Mr Bamiji was not the best man that walked this earth. He was far from being a perfect man. He might not have been kind to some people but to me, he was the best man in my life. He was the kindest father to me which is why, I am not going to allow his memories to fade.
However, this isn’t just about Mr Bamiji. I will only write about him while bringing out the greatness of the bigger father that I have. I will use Mr Bamiji’s life and times to show or emphasize how my Father does it better for me. One birthed me but a greater one moulded me, shaped me and fed me while in my mother’s womb.
Even when those who birthed me are no longer there, He’s still forever working behind the scene. I have seen Him at work. He’s my real Father.
In April 2017, just about six weeks before Mr Bamiji died, he visited me on a Sunday afternoon.
It was to compel me to accompany him to a wedding ceremony taking place at home. So we argued back and forth. I agreed grudgingly after giving him a condition which he agreed to fulfil. He was to credit my account before I leave. He did that effortlessly and magnanimously.
So, we talked about a lot of issues that day. We talked about death, schooling, family and stuff.
Let me lay a background to the kind of relationship we had.
After the death of mum, we became very close. He was always at my residence every other weekend. He never came empty handed. I didn’t have to worry about anything. He bought me most of my dresses including this…..
He told me to go get my M.Sc Certificate from ABU Zaria so that I could start my Ph.D to be fully funded by him.
It was a discussion we had over and over but I kept dragging my feet because God knows I don’t want a Ph.D(I want to spend the rest of my life reading novels and eating chocolates.) I owe myself only one more unusual degree which is going to be in form of a training for me.
I had gone through gruelling conditions to get two degrees in Nigeria. I wasn’t about to subject myself to another stress just to get a third that would end up being nothing but a status symbol to me and him. Of course, he would take the glory/credit note than me. Parents love to gloat over such things. I don’t know why.
As I was going to work yesterday morning, memories of that conversation came back to mind.
I had woken up very angry yesterday.
The anger started in the middle of the night while I was awake for about 2hours between 1-3am. It was a justifiable anger. But on my way to work, I began to think.
And one statement I made that day during the conversation struck me….out of the blues…
I had said
“Daddy, if you leave(die) tomorrow, what will happen to me? How will I survive without you?”
He went silent for few seconds, looking at the floor, his face betraying no emotion but he thought deeply about it and responded quietly and soberly..
“God already knows how you are going to survive.”
At that time in my life, the statement didn’t mean much to me. I even thought his answer didn’t do justice to my question. That wasn’t even the sort of answer i was expecting. That was too vague, too scary, too ordinary, nothing concrete or impressive to hold on. Nothing to assure me I was going to be well catered for.
We only bring God into matters that are beyond us. Matters we don’t have an answer to, we carefully use God to close the chapter. That was how I felt. So I felt even worse with his answer.
I had asked because of my absolute dependence on him. He made life easier. I was living the baby girl life in the heart of the city. I had nothing to worry about except whether to cook or not.
That statement came back to me yesterday morning. I was looking back over the past one year trying to imagine how I have been surviving.
What I discovered:
1. That God indeed honoured that statement and He’s daily making sure that I survive in ways unimaginable.
2. That God does not owe man so he fulfils all His promises if you remain true to him.
3. That God has allowed me to reach heights unimaginable and made me to achieve even better feats than when I had an earthly father.
Lessons I have learnt:
1. That you can’t truly, deeply or really know/understand/appreciate the supremacy of God except everything departs from you.
2. You can’t totally believe that there’s a God in heaven who rules over the affairs of men until you look around you and you see nobody or you wake up by midnight and see the emptiness around you.
3. That when God said he provides for the birds of the air and clothes the grass and even king solomon was not as beautifully arrayed as them, I found out that I had just been paying lip service to that statement. But today, I fully understand that no human being can feed me(as well as the birds) or cloth me(like the grass) and that no one can receive anything except it is given him from above.
I still don’t understand the mysterious ways by which God feed the birds of the air and they never hunger and I don’t want to know because that is the same mysterious way God has been there for me.
4. When God said “woe is him that puts his trust in man”, I didn’t know He was referring to me. Now I know, that without Him, I am nothing. Man is nothing and his glory is as the flower of grass. The flower dies and the grass withers and fades away. So is man. Putting trust in man means getting shame as reward.
5. You can’t fully experience God until you are lost in the wilderness of life. Until like Joseph, you find yourself alone in a foreign land without parents nor siblings and yet, you pulled through.
As from today, let God be true and every man be a liar.
I have a Father.