From The Barber’s Shop

On thing I never envisaged when I decided to go on lowcut was that I would be rubbing shoulders with men at the salon. It looks scary every time when I’m the only female among hefty men barbing their hair in a salon. Sometimes, I feel out of place, sometimes I just chuckle. Sometimes, they steal glances at me. Most times, the small boys talk to me…about how they love women who barb, because such women are low maintenance (they are easy to keep). They don’t bug you for money to make hair, or to buy wigs, or to order some human hair from China. See why I called them small boys. But they don’t know that I’m no low maintenance. In my mind, I’m like “shulai tell them?”

They don’t know that despite the no-wig, no human hair or animal hair stuff, I’m extremely high budget. Ask J.E who has been ‘fortunate’ to let me tag along on his shopping spree, from SPAR mall, Victoria Island to H-medix and Spar in Abuja. The other day, we were in front of Sahad and he said he was not going inside with me😂😁.

Till today, those security guys at H-medix know and recognise me because of one single shopping. They always marvel when they see me …’a supposedly small girl whom they gave no recognition since she’s been shopping there, until the day she broke their record with bags and bags of groceries. J.E paid for everything. I had to tell them to keep everything for me. I wasn’t going to carry them to the office. By the time, I went back to collect it, it wasn’t without a tip. Now they call me madam(dust shoulder).
That’s how guys will see a lady who looks quite simple, no extraneous detail in her appearance and they think she will be easy to maintain. Are you kidding me? Do you even know how much they sell the bowls of ice cream I would be consuming every week now that my office is close to that ShopRite in Apo?😀just kidding about that sha.
Do you know that when I was new in Abuja, living somewhere on airport road, I used to legit carry myself to App ShopRite just to buy farm fresh yoghurt? I’d buy for my preggie neighbour and eat sausage on the queue. I bought my LG TV and frigde just few days apart from the Fouani/LG store at Apo ShopRite, called a cab and took a long drive home. I wasn’t even working then. I was just living off my parent’s largesse.
So I was talking about barber’s shop.
Barbers want to be collecting my number upandan. Kikikiki. They don’t know I’m their mother’s agemate😀.
First, I fight at every barber’s shop because they say female hair cost #700 and adult hair is #500. Egbami?🙆🙆which one is adult and which one is female?
“Oga, biko, I’m not female. I’m an adult. What’s with the gender bias?”
“It’s because female hair takes alot of time. You people are not easily satisfied. We don’t barb females the way we barb male customers”.
“Whatever. I have only #500”.
Then, I begin to walk away. I will hear them whispering among themselves. Then, they will call me back.
Last night, we had this same argument. I even paid a thousand naira because of the cream he applied on my head and washed off. That 1k pained me. It’s still paining me sef. I’m never patronising them again. #sigh. Did I just say that? Well, they make my hair come out good every time and they put this white hot towel on my head, spray my face and neck with talcum powder 😂. They even give me ‘teddy’…as if I’m a man. That shape they cut close to your ears. IF you know you know

I’ve had to barb in places where I had to wear “hijab” for weeks in the courtroom so that the hair would grow again. I’ve barbed in terrible places where I paid #250 and their clipper kept making this horrible sound. The shop itself was quite shoddy.

Last night, I went with a bag that contained my hair cream and what did barber say?
“You came with your clippers?” And he stretched forth his hands to collect it
My eyes were round. “Clippers you say?”
You think I’m a permanent member of the lowcut gang right? I’m supposed to be having a clipper right?
I’ve never thought of buying one. Because in my mind, I’m just doing this low cut thing for a while. Because I’m currently undergoing recession in my finances. And when people ask “why are you on lowcut?”
I always say with a stern face “economic reasons”.
But with the way I cringe anytime I encounter any slight discomfort while combing my hair, what I’m forseeing is scary. I’ve totally lost interest in making hair. It’s so much cheaper and easier to maintain no hair and I’m loving the experience.
J.E was asking me when I would start making my hair. He offered to drive me(he doesn’t even drive in Abuja) so I don’t know how he intends to drive me to a salon. I told him to bring the money and I would go and do the Ghana weaving he suggested. He knew I wanted to scam him so he said no deal unless he takes me there. Wawu.
Ok, let me say it again. I went to have a haircut last night at a very cute unisex salon in preparation for court next week. We are resuming by then. I haven’t tried all the black and white dresses in my wardrobe but I know for a fact that they can’t size me again.😤😢
I don’t know where I will start from. No clothes. I’ve outgrown them all. No shoes too. Ayemitemibami.
I’m accepting black dresses, white shirts/dresses and court shoes sha if you want to buy for me or send to me.
I just pray that tinuke badmus reads this. Maybe she will help my life and send me something out of her bespoke collections from kaduna.

Barber’s shop
Can’t even remember why he was holding phone. Showing me a style perhaps

She has won many awards in writing and poetry amongst which are CLO essay competition (1st Prize Southwest) NDIC essay competition(5th Prize in the southwest) and a World Bank Essay Certificate of Participation She has worked with as a content editor and a host of sites as a ghost writer. She has written great inspirational content for fashion brands/blogs. She has been featured on radio and recently added public speaking to her portfolio. You can hire her to write a professional/business profile for you, online content editing, book editing, guest blogging, ghostwriting, content creation or if you need copies of her book, contact her via Olasiyan Olasiyan Follow her business page on Instagram @officialladywriter


September 9, 2019 at 6:14 am

Olas! Stop making me want to go back to low cut, plix. BTW, I don’t agree that every kind of low cut is low maintenance o. It depends on the type of low cut you decide to go with.
Lovely piece, girl

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