Chairman’s many troubles
Men are in trouble. Did u say, what else is new? I agree. They have always been in trouble. And right from the days of Adam,their woes have always centred on women, the daughters of eve. For a long time,most men only had to contend with their one man one wife hassles. Some coped, some didn’t but they trudged on anyway. Many opted for second and third wives,believing that if you bring in a counter force to the force at home,all forces would be neutralized and their troubles will be over. What did they know? One force plus one force makes two forces. Two new wives plus one old wife is equal to three wives which means three forces and one headache raised to power three.
Many husbands soon learnt to minimize their problems by keeping one headquarter and opening other branches. Some men even have branches all over the country but the headquarters staff doesn’t get to know or see the fruits of the labour of chairman until he kicks the bucket. It is at chairman’s burial that all the “dividends of his democracy” show up at the graveside. Let’s just stick to chairman’s troubles of the present age,the one that he cannot control,the one he did not bring upon himself.
My heart goes to him because finally his dreams have come true. The problem is, this is one good dream he doesn’t know what to do with. It is a good dream that he ordinarily should be celebrating but which unfortunately has become a nightmare. Worse still,he is not allowed to wake up from it. He can shut his eyes for as long as he can but whenever he opens them, this bad thing is waiting for him. He is stuck, so stuck he has considered suing God.
Take a look around you everyday you step out of your house. Count the number of women you see, try and compare that with the number of men. Then compare the figure of the married men to the number of single and available women all over the place. Don’t stop there, now access how beautiful, mouth watering,eye popping,full bodied, God-given endowment of these ready to mingle women. They remind me of that fruit juice television commercial where all kinds of fruit were ripe and begging to be harvested so they could become fruit juice.
Whether in your church or nightclub, they are there. It is at parties that I pity chairman most. The kind of things they stick in his face when he looks up are worse than the opportunities open to him when he looks down,if you get my drift. The kind of smiles he gets just by saying ‘hi’ politely on the way to his seat and the silent promises he gets unsolicited all leave him panting. Without opening his mouth, he is fed until he’s overfed. For no fault of his.
Most men today struggle to stay on the straight and narrow. They try to do what the holy books say. They try not to disappoint their pastors but the temptation is too much. Too many beautiful single girls racing against their biological time and ready to do virtually anything to grab a man. Now that chairman’s job is cut out for him, made very easy, he doesn’t know what to do. His resistance level is naturally low. He is a hunter now being hunted. He doesn’t know how to run. He doesn’t have the tools of a prey. Yet he is being hunted. The girls are circling over his head and hemming him on all sides. His wife wants him back home every night but the girls have roadblocks all over the place.
How does a man stay faithful to his vows with so many women around him? I do not understand. I am worried for my brothers and friends. If the atmosphere is this clogged and suffocating in 2013, what will things look like for your sons and mine in 2020? According to my friend,a medical doctor,’it is not easy to resist the temptation of a woman. Neither can a woman understand the mystery of the psychological and physiological impact women have on men. With a little push, a man is down.
My friend went on to remind me of our days in ‘Great Ife’, when men wooed us with flowers and dinners at ‘Forks and Fingers’ and movies every night at Oduduwa Hall. Mozambique and Moremi queens were treated like royalty, which was what we were. I remember a ‘toaster’ cooking for me during the October rush. I was ill and to impress me, he brought this big loaded bag with food and drinks,sweating. How did I know he cooked it himself? The fried plantain was burnt! But burnt offering or not, all my roommates in U5, Mozambique hall were impressed. His two beautiful cards passed from hand to hand in the room when he left. Do men still bother with such stuff? Why do they have to, when single women are now a dime a dozen?
There was a time when men fought over women. They bought cards, spent time and money to win the heart of women but not anymore. Reason, it is no longer necessary. When supply is in excess of demand, there is a glut and market price and value drop.
It’s so sad, ominous, disconcerting. But come to think of it, it’s not just the chairmen that are in trouble, we all are.
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