THE SPARE TYRE
Imagine how a woman feels when she gets a flat tyre at 7pm on a lonely highway without a spare tyre. You don’t want to be caught in that kind of situation? Exactly. When a woman goes into marriage totally believing her husband will not stray, not even once, she’s driving on a lonely Nigerian highway complete with bumps, potholes, craters and armed robbers without a spare tyre. I am just a realist who thinks that a woman who believes her husband wont stray is a fool. No apologies.
But when a woman goes into marriage knowing that her husband can and may stray, she is driving on a strange road with a spare tyre. She may get a flat tyre and she may not. Whatever happens, she is prepared. The point is every woman should arm herself with the thought that her husband will stray. It’s not that he does not love her. It’s not about faith or positive confession, it’s simply a safety issue. Once you’re prepared, your shock absorber will cushion the effect of his little misdemeanour.
All brides go into marriage with great expectations, wearing rose-tinted glasses. All marriages come with different features; bed of roses with sprinkles of thorns in different proportions. However, there is one common feature of every marriage; infidelity, unfaithfulness. Those who are about to bite my head off are prudes, pretenders or incurable optimists. Fine, few men won’t stray throughout the life of their marriages. But they are so few, so so few, they don’t almost have a colour on the marriage fidelity graph.
Getting caught unawares by a man playing the field can be dangerous to a woman’s physical and mental health. The pain can only be explained by the victim and why should the word victim be used to describe a woman in the first place? When you catch a man you thought was a saint pants down, you feel betrayed, let down. Questions that will take away your self esteem will begin to beat themselves round your brain. Am i no longer beautiful?what does the other woman have that i don’t? Those are silly questions that will strip you of the essence of your womanhood.
The truth is a man doesn’t always need a reason to stray. Yes, sometimes an unwelcoming home can encourage him to find warmth outside but more often than not, a man just wants to do it. It’s not because his wife is no longer attractive. An affair for a married man is just like a Man U versus Chelsea match. It will last all the 90minutes. At the very worst, it will go into extra time and penalty shootouts. But end it must. After that, all players must leave the pitch. That is why many women are still unmarried after dating many married men. Once the match is over, each team must return to the dressing room. The married man returns to his wife who is his real owner and the hopeful single woman to the cold embrace of her waiting pillows.
For women who do not have their shock absorbers in place, which is the thought that he will stray at some point, they develop high blood pressure, go into depression, start running from one spiritual home to the other and generally wear themselves out before the man returns from the pitch. Then he returns to a worse situation than he left. So he goes for another ‘away’ match. And then one day, he just may die on active duty, on the field of play. He just may not return. Another team may buy him. Or he may suffer cardiac arrest.
Now if he doesn’t ever stray, that is a bonus that will strengthen your union. But certainly, every woman needs that spare tyre somewhere so that if the happily ever after is threatened, you still get to live long.
Funke Egbemode is the Editor of Sunday Sun