This past week was very tough for me. I didn’t go to work much, I was sick. Very down with malaria. And I was thinking too much too. About my parents. That was how I started losing it. I was losing my […]
This past week was very tough for me.
I didn’t go to work much, I was sick. Very down with malaria.
And I was thinking too much too. About my parents.
That was how I started losing it. I was losing my mind gradually. It got to a point, I had to start begging God not to allow me run mad completely 😃
I mean, I could not focus. I was weak. My brain was on fire. My head was paining me. I couldn’t sleep at night.
I was weeping all through the night. I felt so alone. I felt abandoned by God. I lost interest in life, in activities. It was the toughest week of my life.
I never knew that it was work that was keeping me sane, that was driving me, that was helping me to subdue the grief. I never knew that the grief never left. It has just been hiding. And it expresses itself best when I’m left on my own. It expresses itself in few minutes of heart wrenching sobs in the dark of the night. It happens in the courtroom too sometimes when something triggers it, then I begin to take five minutes break to weep in the bathroom, wash my face, take a selfie perhaps and come out.
I loved that man so much that I didn’t realise it. He was my safe place. He was next to God in my life. How we drew closer after mom died. How I would tell him about what ogbeni ota said to me and he would explain the statement to me and say “these are the reasons he said that but don’t worry, you will be fine”. These days, nobody tells me I will be fine. Which makes me scared alot of the time. There’s no assurance that I’m going to be fine.
It’s very hard. It’s a very tough one. I don’t wish it on anyone. I want my daddy!!